Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ugh, Part 2

Well, this train is going in the wrong direction but as I said in Monday's post, I was pretty sure that this would happen - although I was hoping for maintenance. Oh well, it's a new day, a new week.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tuesday Ten

1. Two times in the last two weeks people have told me I look like I'm in my 30's. Since my daughter will be 30 on October 14, I feel quite flattered.

2. I've made the decision that I will post a real picture of myself when I reach goal. Now, don't you want to root for me?

3. My husband is a wonderful man - not perfect but a good man all the same. We got married when my daughter was 12 and he has treated her exactly like she is his own biological child. The funny thing is, she looks a little bit like him so people who don't know better assume he is her father. What they don't know is that he is much more than her father, he is her DAD.

4. I love bananas. For me, in food group terms, 1 banana=1 fruit, not 2. I refuse to eat only half of one.

5. It annoys me when people say a food is "bad." Unless they're speaking in terms of freshness/spoilage, I just don't understand how that can be. Can we make better choices during the course of a day? Absolutely. But I honestly do not believe anything should be off limits. Because of this I love the video of Sean eating the deep fried Oreo. Could he have made a different choice? Sure. Did the one deep fried oreo harm him? I don't think so. Maybe if people would stop thinking "I can't have" or "This food is bad" they would stop bingeing. How do you binge if no food is off limits? If you KNOW you can have some now and some more tomorrow there's no need to stuff your face. Just my opinion after years of putting foods off limits, calling them bad and then obsessing over having them. No more. I'm done with that.

6. My baby sister and my daughter are only four years apart in age. When my daughter was acting teenagerish but my sister had reached her twenties, I would call my sister to have her talk sense into my daughter.

7. Grand Case, St. Martin, French West Indies is my very favorite place in the whole wide world. We try to go once a year and I miss it when we don't get to go. It's the one place where I completely relax. I dream of retiring there.

8. By the time I settled where I live now 27 years ago, I had already moved 28 times in my short life. That's why I call where I live now "home." Even though I wasn't born/raised here, it's where I've lived the longest and where I raised my daughter.

9. If I won the lottery, I would quit working. It always amazes me when people win and keep on going to the factory.

10. The comments on yesterday's blog lifted me up and pulled me through the day. I write this blog for myself and to force myself to be accountable for my actions, so I was a bit surprised at how much your comments meant to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I hate the way I feel this morning - like I'm not losing weight. I don't know if it's years of thyroid issues where I battle to get even 1 lb. off, but I can usually tell if I've lost a little bit. I'm dreading my weigh in on Wednesday. You know I'm dreading it if I'm already thinking and talking about it on Monday. Sigh.

If you were to look at my food and exercise logs you wouldn't see anything different than what I did the week before, and I had a loss. But this is the travail of hypothyroidism. You just never know. So you have to keep on keeping on, even when you feel fat and blobby.

I can't let these self-defeating thoughts take over because when I do it's usually the beginning of the end and I say "screw it I'm sick of this" and resume very destructive habits. I have to remember that even if the scale won't cooperate RIGHT NOW, it will eventually, and I feel so much better when I live healthfully.

Aaahhh, Monday, Monday.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Do It. Do It Now.

Hey you. Get. Back. On. Track.

Do It. Do It Now.

It's Gettin' Hot in Herrrrrrrrreee - Goals & Gold

Yesterday afternoon I was going around catching up on blog reading and found this post on Fitcetera's blog which then led me to South Beach Steve's Hot 100. The Hot 100 is a challenge for you to figure out what you can accomplish in 100 days in terms of mental and physical health? Of course, I'm a day (or 2) late and a dollar short to win any prize, but I've decided I'm going to join in!

The ultimate prize will, of course, be that I've met my goals - although I would have liked Steve's peppers, I'm sure :-)

So, here are my 5 main gooals:

1. Keep the wine down to 2 glasses on no more than 2 days.
2. Track my food - the good, the bad, the ugly
3. Burn at least 2500 calories a week through exercise.
4. Advance to my next belt in Thai Boxing, which means I have to have perfect attendance and learn the material!
5. Use the weekend to plan and precook some of our weekly meals so that we are eating nutritiously and deliciously.

What I love about this challenge is that Steve is also encouraging everyone to have some mini goals in there too. I think mini goals always help to reach main goals.

Speaking of mini goals, last night at Muay Thai Boxing our theme was "Goals You Set, Are Goals You Get!" If you don't even start the process of setting the goal - how can you even expect to move from where you are? The instructor asked, "What is a Black Belt?" The answer? "A white belt who didn't quit."

For the last four months I have been going to class at least 2 times a week and have progressed in the manner the instructors want to see. I am very proud of this mini goal because these classes are in the evening - not my best energy time or my favorite time to exercise. But I have been determined that I would stick it out for at least one year and then go from there. Best of all, I met a first goal - I received my Gold Belt! As I said to my friend, I'm still a grasshopper but now I'm a grasshopper with a Gold Belt.

Do you want to move from where you are? What could YOU accomplish in the next 100 days?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sharing a Formula

I've been thinking alot about calories over that last couple of days. Caloric intake versus caloric burn. It seems like it should be pretty simple, yet all of us who weigh ourselves regularly have definitely had a bad weigh in after a perfect week.

Some of these thoughts came about after watching this week's episode of Biggest Loser. This past week it was stated that male contestants had to burn 8000 PER DAY, female 6000. That's just nuts to me - I personally shoot for 2500-3000 per week and sometimes don't even hit that! Yes, I do understand that they work out 8-10 hours a day and I guess you'd have to, to make 6000 per day.

There are lots of tools out there to help us deciper all this, including machines with built in calorie counters, heart rate monitors, that body bugg thing that BL contestants wear, etc. Great tools if you are trying to lose weight.

The problem lies in their accuracy. Some are more accurate than others - i.e., a HRM should be because it's based on your personal heart rate. However, they've all got their problems. For example, I can go on a 3 mile walk on the same route two different times and my HRM will tell me that I've burned 150 calories one time and 280 the next. Since I know conditions are the same, that has to mean that my HRM is "reading" something wrong. If I do that same walk on my treadmill it might say I've burned 400 calories. This can be frustrating, very frustrating.

So, what's a girl to do?

Some years ago, before I had gadgets, I came across a scientific study that ended with a formula for calculating calorie burn. What's so great about it is that it works whether you are male or female because it's based on weight. It's specifically for walking and running, which I do a lot of and I think this is probably the most accurate thing I've ever seen. As I said, I use it because even my HRM acts up sometimes.

Calorie Burn Per Mile:

Running .75 x your weight (in lbs.)/Net Burn is .63 x your weight

Walking .53 x your weight/Net Burn is .30 x your weight

Net Burn is your actual calorie burn over what your basal metabolism would burn anyway.

Just thought I'd share. Give it a try and see if it works for you in helping calculate your calories in/calories out.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuesday Ten

Random thoughts I'm having; random things about me.

1. I was born in Louisville, KY and have been in or lived in 46 of the 50 states – military brat then my dad kept changing jobs. Where I am now is “home” because it’s where I’ve lived the longest – 25 years.

2. People are always shocked when I tell them I’m a runner. I don’t look like a runner.

3. I didn’t own my own home until I was 46. Second marriage (with kids) so instead of borrowing over our means we actually waited until we had the money in place – which meant getting one through college and the other one… well he’s still trying to decide. The kids are none the worse for growing up living in a rental.

4. Though I like where I work, I don’t like the sort of work I do. But, I’ve been doing this sort of work for 30 years now so it’s easy to stick with it.

5. There aren’t too many foods that I don’t like which makes me a fun friend to take out to eat since I’ll try almost anything.

6. My husband is the easiest guy in the world to feed. His five food groups are: pizza, hotdogs, hamburgers, chicken wings, and spaghetti & meatballs. I seriously could make those things in constant rotation and he would not complain

7 A friend asked me to check out Jillian Michaels new weight loss supplements at GNC and tell them what I think. What?!! What happened to more movement, less food? What I think is that I’ve lost a little respect for Ms. Michaels.

8. I eat a lot better when I take time to prepare our weekly meals in advance – or at least have a plan. I’m better at that in the winter than in the summer. I don’t seem to mind just staying home Sunday afternoon and cooking in the winter. In the summer, I want to be on the beach.

9. I went from the world’s oldest cell phone to an iPhone. I *heart* my iPhone.

10. My daughter is turning 30 in October. I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have a thirty year old child.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Late and Stressed

I am under extreme stress these days, surrounded by illness both at home and at work. My mother-in- law has Alzheimer's and we believe she is entering the last stages of it. My heart hurts to see my husband grieve so much. My boss has been in chronic debilitating pain since January due to spinal issues. Therefore, he hasn't been in the office much and I end up driving back and forth to his house. Additionally because I also function as a Personal Assistant, I have a hand in all of his medical stuff.


That's what I've been dealing with all weekend and all morning so I'm late posting. I guess better late than never.

It's quite easy for me to turn to food when I'm in this sort of jittery stress. In fact the only thing easier is to pour a glass of wine. But last week, I started taking small steps to stop that mess and get myself on track to be where I want to be by next March. No more absorbing that stress and having it wreak havoc on my body.

So, I have made it since last Wednesday without overindulging on either food or wine. Yes, I did have wine on Saturday night with pizza - but I counted it, every single drop! I prepared all day long and left myself enough calories to have 2 glasses of wine.

Other than that, when I've wanted to eat chocolate or drink an adult beverage, I've made myself take a deep breath, examine the consequences, then drink some unsweetened iced tea or a big glass of water. I know that sounds like silly diet advice but it's working for now so I won't mess with success.

And ultimately, success is what it's all about, right?

Friday, September 18, 2009

My Love-Hate Relationship

All night long and again this morning I have been thinking about choices. I had to go to a work related event last night that basically was a wine tasting with hors d'oeuvres. Nothing would be off limits of course, but based on what I had eaten earlier, I needed to make good choices. I can handle and figure out where the wine tasting would fit into my plan for the day; the hors d'oeuvres were another story. Mostly because I didn't know if it would be veggies and dip or deep fried onion rings.

So off I went. It was a wonderful social gathering and business networking opportunity. I enjoyed myself immensely. But, I left there feeling insecure about the choices I had made (no veggie dip by the way). I don't feel I overate at all but I don't like not knowing for sure. I love a good cocktail party and I hate it at the same time: eat small portions of food but have no way of figuring out how in heck they relate to my overall eating plan.

The phrase "good night and good choices" kept ringing in my brain as I drove home and was the first thing I thought this morning. Where did that come from?

I finally decided as I was driving IN to work today that all I can ask of myself is to do the best I can in the situation I'm in. That has to be good enough and then I need to move on.

As I signed into blogland to do my reading, I realized the good night and good choices phrase was from Sean of The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. That's his sign off on each blog. What did he write about today? Choices. Go read what he said. He said it better than I ever will.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Keep on Keeping On

There has been a lot of talk in blogland this week about change and staying motivated and perservering and conquering the stuff that ails - whether it be food or exercise or something else. Sometimes, no matter what that is very hard to grasp and to do. Then today I saw something that gave me a fresh shot of adrenaline.

Everything I know about running I learned from a man named Pete. I first met Pete 8 years ago at a training clinic for a local road race - I was training for my very first road race ever - a 3.5 miler. Pete was probably training for his umpteenth one. Pete was just one of those guys who a new runner has to love. Lots of knowledge and patience and he genuinely loved running. On the last week of the training they had us run a loop in the park as a warmup. Unfortunately, I was sooooo slow that I quickly got left behind by better, faster runners. The next thing I knew I looked up and there was Pete. He had come back to make sure I was okay and run me in.

Oh, by the way - I was 42 years old and Pete was 75. I didn't know whether to feel relief that someone actually cared where I was or complete embarrassment that an old man had come to find me!

The thing is, because I was a slower runner, I was the perfect partner for Pete. Over the next 6 years we ran together lots. Pete helped me train for 3 of the 4 marathons I've done, plus a myriad of other races. He taught me how to run fast, slow, long, short, up and down hills. We had some great times together. Trust me when I say, a perfect running partner is almost impossible to find, but we meshed - the chubby middle aged lady and the old man.

Then last summer, prior to me beginning my training for my 4th marathon, Pete told me he wouldn't run with me any more. He said he had done his job for me and that I had gotten too fast and he didn't want to hold me back. To say that I was sad is an understatment. My husband's response was "Give the guy a break - he's 82 years old!" I didn't care. I lost my running partner and my long run friend.

Pete and I have kept in touch via email but he still won't run with me - not even if I promise to go short and slow. He actually didn't do any road races last year at all, nor did I see him at any this summer. Everytime I go out to run on Saturday, I still miss him and wish he would run with me.

Today, I was on the New Haven Road Race 20K results page looking for another friend's results and lo and behold Pete ran the thing. 20K = 12.2 miles people. He's 83 years old (84 in December)!! He came in 3rd in the 80-99 age group and did the thing in 2:33:33 which is an average pace of 12:30 miles.

I want to be Pete when I grow up.

Perserverance people. Keep on keeping on.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Change Your Story

First of all, Wednesdays are my weigh-in day. I have never actually said how much I weigh on this blog but I need to start being accountable to that so I will tell you that today I weigh 182. (See now, that wasn't so hard!)

This is probably one of many blogs that will address the Biggest Loser premiere which was last night. Holy cow. This is definitely the heaviest group of folks they've ever had - not one single person weighed under 200 lbs. to start.

I watched a half hour of the episode while drinking a cup 'o joe this morning, then I went and got on my treadmill to finish it. Did you know that if you fast forward through all the commercials and some of the filler that show is really only about 85-90 minutes. Crazy. I got a great 5 mile run done in 53 minutes - faster than I've been running in a while so I'm happy happy happy with that.

But my run isn't the point here. I've just had one thing echoing in my brain since I finished watching: "Change Your Story."

Everyone had a story and some were horrifying and some just sad. But Jillian was working with the heaviest contestant and that girl was using her story as a reason why she had and should continue to fail. Jillian wasn't having it. She finally yelled at her, "You've got to change your story!"

Wow. That got me to thinking about every winner the Biggest Loser has had, as well as some of the weight loss bloggers I so enjoy reading - Tony, Sean, Jen, Anti-Jared Tony, Irene, and Jack Sh*t, to name a few (not a comprehensive list at all people so don't get upset!). You know what they ALL have in common? They are changing their stories.

I don't know why this has resonated with me the way it has but I tell you this: I am joining them. I am going to change my story. Will you join me?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tuesday Ten

Ten random thoughts I've been having or facts about me. Enjoy!

1. I believe in second chances. I hope Whitney Houston makes the best of hers.

2. Whitney Houston's new CD is really very good.

3. Summer is my season and we're having the last couple of days of it. I wish I didn't have to be at work.

4. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with such a great daughter. She is truly an amazing, selfless beautiful human being and I really wasn't a very good mom.

5. I cry almost every day about my brother-in-law who died at the age of 39 this past April.

6. I am a spiritual person and my faith is important to me but I haven't been to church since June.

7. I love to cook and create with food. It's the only "artistic" quality I have.

8. I started running at 42 and started Thai Boxing at 49. I guess I'm a late bloomer.

9. I have done 4 marathons but don't know if I'll ever do another.

10. Speaking of second chances, my second marriage makes me wonder why I didn't just wait for him in the first place.

Monday, September 14, 2009

NYC and A Hard Truth

I really enjoyed my trip to NYC with my sister, even though there were times when it was incredibly hard. My sister's husband died in a terrible accident on April 28th at the age of 39. She was left a widow at 34 years old with 2 small children aged 5 and 2. So, of course she is still grieving but is trying very hard to figure out what her new life should be.

Gary loved to go to NYC (unlike my dh) so even though she and I have made an annual trip either to shop or see a show, they had also shared that, so some of the things we did were difficult for her. Yet, at the end of the weekend as we parted ways she thanked me for going and said it was a good distraction.

As for the food, well, I can't be trusted around it at all! Unfortunately I am a person who can eat even when not hungry just because something looks or sounds good. While I did a pretty good job of avoiding all the food cart/street vendor food I'm usually so tempted by I still ate too many calories. We went to Levain Bakery on Friday because I had heard that their chocolate chip cookies were the best - plus they cook with all natural, organic and whole grain ingredients. The cookie IS amazing and I did make the choice of eating it as my lunch which probably helped overall. However, later that evening we went to Little Italy for dinner , I ate soup to nuts - appetizer to dessert (did I really need another dessert after the cookie? Come on!). Plus we shared a bottle of wine and had a glass of white Sangria on the house. Too much. Saturday, we skipped breakfast because we planned to go to Carnegie Deli prior to going to our show. At least we stuck to our plan and shared everything but then, I picked up yet another dessert to eat on the train trip home. So, just too many calories. I refuse to eliminate anything from my diet but the hard truth is that I am going to have to learn to willfully not eat everything in sight!

Anyway, the show we saw - Billy Elliott - was fabulous. The dancing was phenominal. I highly recommend if you go anywhere near Broadway that you see this show. It's worth the most expensive ticket, it's that good.

On another note, while we were in NYC, my sister-in-law texted us a photo of my little niece who had the heart surgery last Thursday. In the photo she was reclining in a special chair and grinning from ear to ear. She seems to be recovering quickly and we are so thankful for that!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Our precious niece is out of surgery and doing well! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I'm taking a sisters only trip to New York City for the next couple of days so no blogging till next week probably.


If You Believe...

This is not a weight loss related post today because my heart and mind are focused on other things.

All I'm asking is that if you believe in the power of prayer or positive thoughts or anything like that, please say a prayer for my 6 month old niece Samantha who is undergoing open heart surgery today.

Samantha was born with this heart defect and while it has been a blessing that she hasn't had to have her surgery until now - and the hospital where she is having the surgery specializes in babies who have this problem - it is still soooo hard for all of us to watch her go through this.

So send your prayers and positive thoughts to little Sammie for me, okay?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Weight of it All.

My legs felt heavy during my run this morning. I know some of it was because of the 100 touch and go roundhouse kicks we did during Thai Boxing last night. But a lot of it is because of the extra weight I’m carrying.

It annoys me that the extra weight affects one thing I really enjoy – my running. Not only did I feel like bricks were tied to my running shoes, but my pace is greatly affected as well. Yet somehow, even knowing that my running would be altered didn’t stop me from putting weight on; didn’t stop me from chomping and chewing on anything and everything.

My train of thought as I ran this morning went something like this: I wonder why, even though it has affected my running, I won’t stop overeating? I wonder what it will take for me to snap to? What is the magic? What is the secret? What will make me care enough to stop giving in and throwing food tantrums like a two year old?

Ay yi yi. I got home both physically and mentally tired and it was only 5:30 am.

I’ve got to figure it out though. Because I thought I made pretty good choices yesterday and when I finished putting my dinner into my food tracker this morning, I had managed to overeat by around 250 calories. Since I had a hard Thai class, that means I managed to maintain my overweightness instead of sliding towards the losing side.

I know it could be worse, and I’m probably a teensy bit whiney today because I was disappointed in my run and in my caloric intake. But I also need to snap to because I have some other issues that would be greatly helped by even a 10% weight loss.

So here I am feeling all bad and like a failure and what makes it really funny is that a group of women at my job approached me last week and asked me if I would be a “neutral” person for a weight loss challenge they wanted to do. Meaning, would I be the person who weighs everyone in and holds the money pot. There are 5 of them and they are putting $10 in for each 4 week period. They plan to go 16 weeks so at their last weigh in on December 29 (that’s right people Christmas is only 15 weeks away!) whomever is the biggest loser – percentage wise – will get the $200 pot. When I asked them why they wanted me to do it they said, “Because you know so much about food and nutrition and weightloss.” Glad they feel confident in me anyway.

Wonder when I’ll figure out how to put all that knowledge to work in my own life?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Long Weekend

Oh boy, I feel so out of it!

Got back yesterday afternoon from a long weekend in Cape Cod. We hadn't been there in a few years due to one thing or another and once there remembered why we love it so much. In fact, we're talking about taking a full week vacation there next summer.

In the meantime, I am far, far behind on blog reading and my own blogging. Oh well, I pretty much feel weekend blogs probably will be hit or miss for me anyway. I am on the computer so much during the week that I often take computer breaks on the weekend.

I am really proud of the eating choices I made while we were gone. Of course, it's easy to eat healthier when there is so much gorgeous seafood on every menu! But still, I chose broiled over fried, ate 1 piece of bread dipped in a lovely flavored olive oil but didn't eat the rice pilaf. Choices like that make all the difference for me. I feel like I'm fully participating in the restaurant experience yet I'm eating mindfully and carefully at the same time.

As usual, spending several days with my husband and watching how he eats always shows me that one can partake of anything and everything. He just naturally makes choices that balance his food intake. If he eats something really heavy and more fattening, the next thing you know he wants a salad. It's so interesting watching someone who has never really struggled at all with their weight eat according to their natural appetite.

I also managed to get in some exercise while we were gone - couldn't resist actually because the weather was so nice and the temps just about perfect for a quick morning jog.

All in all, a very very relaxing and renewing long weekend.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Whadda Ya Know


I had an almost perfect eating day yesterday.


I say "almost" because I'm sure there could have been some better choices (uh, fruit instead of chocolate anyone?) but on the whole it was really good - I stayed within my calorie range and even ended up with enough calories left over for 2 small pieces of chocolate and a scoop of Edy's Slow Churned Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. How much more could I ask for, really?

We had planned to go out for dinner with my in-laws last night to celebrate their 57th Wedding Anniversary, but when my hubby called to confirm, my father-in-law said it wasn't a good day. I feel sad about that because, you see, my mother-in-law has Alzheimer's and it has really advanced in the last year. She has entire days now where she doesn't remember much of anything after say the age of 20 or so - which is the age she was when they married. Hubby stopped by his parents after work to at least check on them and my father-in-law shared that she had had one lucid moment that morning and remembered that the man in the car with her was "my boyfriend, who told my mother that if she would let him marry me, he would always take good care of me." I'm glad he had that at least.

So, since no dinner we decided to go to Thai Boxing and punch out our frustrations on a bag. I'm glad I went because it was a fabulous workout with one of my favorite Senseis and I actually felt a bit thinner when we left.

I'm off work today so I slept in a bit then did a hard run of 4.25 miles. I ran faster than I have in a while which was encouraging.

You know that motivation I've been looking for? I think I'm feeling a bit already simply from making better choices in the last 24 hours. Funny how that works.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Weighing In with a Quotable Quote

How much should one weigh themselves, whether trying to lose or maintain their weight?

This topic can cause a flurry of arguments pro and con, but I think it’s like everything else – you have to find what works for you. I know some folks who weigh themselves daily and keep massive spreadsheets on their weight. I admire that but I can’t do it.

For me, weighing myself more than about once a week is NOT GOOD. It’s like it messes with my psyche. It seems no matter if I’ve lost or gained at that extra weigh in, I don’t handle it well. You’d think I’d use either scenario to make a case to behave but I don’t. I end up either treating myself with extra food because of the loss, or thinking why bother if I’ve gained. So, I should have known better than to get on a scale yesterday, right? Because I was up from my last weigh in and promptly used it as an excuse to feed my face with really bad food all day long. Seriously?

Yet, when I stick to one weigh in a week, I do just fine with whatever the results are. I haven’t figured out why I’m like that but I am.

This weigh in debacle got me to thinking about the plan I’m looking for. The plan needs to be a lifestyle for me. I’ve tried every diet with no success really because here I am again trying to lose the same weight. If I put myself on some sort of strict “diet” then how on earth do I handle all the events? For example, here are my next three weekends: trip to Cape Cod, trip to New York City, niece & nephew’s birthday party. All things that could be eating extravaganzas – especially the NYC trip. What I want to do is put it all off until after the birthday party, but you know what? By the time that weekend rolls around there will be 3 more things. I HAVE TO GET A GRIP.

Another thing I keep waiting for is motivation. I keep trying to find that spark, that one thing that will get me going. Then yesterday I came across this quote:

“The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that’s when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it.” - John Maxwell

In other words, Fake It Till You Make It. Hmmm, looks like I’ve got some more thinking to do.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I need a plan, Stan.

I need a plan, Stan.

Seriously, after yet another day of consuming too much food, I’m in search of the answer. It seems no matter what I try, I end up overeating every single evening. I guess I’m probably using food for stress release or some such thing; it’s just that I don’t FEEL like I am so I’m not sure how to stop this downward spiral (which equals upward on the scale).

It’s almost like one thing leads to another and before you know it, BAM! Too many calories.

In general, counting calories always worked best for me, but then for 18 months I tracked every single morsel of food eating between 1200-1600 calories per day and didn’t lose one ounce. Such are the trials of a thyroid patient – i.e. calories in/calories out may not equal scale success – but it definitely makes it frustrating and discouraging to be working that hard at something and not see results. Two months ago, my hubby suggested that I just try to eat according to my appetite and eat smaller portions to give myself a break from all that tracking. All I can say is at least I’ve only gained 5 lbs. So, that isn’t working either. Maybe I should be grateful it’s only 5 lbs.

Additionally, I am married to a person who has a fabulous metabolism and does eat whatever, whenever, however. Our differences in our approach to eating have caused many an argument between us. After 20 years, I’m tired of arguing with him so lately I have found myself giving in to “Want to get fish & chips?” “Want to get buffalo wings?” “Let’s get pizza!” “Come on let’s have a cocktail.” See, he can do this every single day and somehow manages to balance his calories and has stayed within 10 lbs. or so of the same weight the entire time I’ve known him. The minute I start giving in to this stuff is the beginning of failure for me. But I don’t want to fight about it and if I keep saying no, he starts with, “Please don’t tell me you’re on ANOTHER diet!” One thing leads to another and well, it’s just not worth it. You married folks know what I mean about picking your battles.

My relationship with my husband is probably my number one reason for not wanting any food to be off limits but I’ve yet to figure out how to manage it all. Sometimes, not knowing that I will get home and he will have made his YUMMY pan fried chicken, I’ve already eaten too many calories to allow for that because I was planning on going home and having a chef salad. If I refuse to eat the dinner he has made, it hurts his feelings. And I do so appreciate that he tries to cook once a week or so. See my dilemma?

Then the cocktails are a whole other story. Why is it that one glass of wine turns into two? It’s like Jesus Christ himself comes and turns the water I should be drinking into wine. Years ago, I never drank at all unless we were out for dinner or at a special occasion yet now I can’t seem to get back there.

I’m writing this and I’m thinking MODERATION. But why can’t I put my writing into action?

Like I said, I need a plan, Stan.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Doing A One-Eighty

One Hundred and Eighty Days to:

My 50th birthday
Weigh less than 180 lbs.

That about sums it up.

Thought I'd give this blogging thing a try to see if it will help me towards being accountible. I need to figure out something if I'm going to hit 50 and feel fabulous. I'm not at my heaviest weight ever but I am close -- and more importantly -- I am miserable where I am right now.

The first problem is food. Food and I, well, we're having a love affair. I'm sure it started in my childhood (i.e., it must be my mother's fault!) but I refuse to use that as an excuse. Excuses are for the birds. Just because the food is there, I don't have to OVER-eat it do I? Yet, I do, day after day. So, I need to be accountable. Please don't suggest that I eat fat-free American cheese on my hamburger. I cannot stand most of the "fat-free" products out there. They just taste gross to me, plus they have so many chemicals and sugars in them trying to make them taste right, I don't think they're particulary healthy. Since I've already used healthier, lower-fat versions of foods for years, it's definitely intake that I need to work on. My goal will be moderation of good, regular food. I need to cut calories but I don't want any food to be off limits.

The second problem is my wonky thyroid. Five years ago I was diagnosed hypothyroid and have been on medication ever since. My thyroid levels go up and down and just when I think it's regulated, it's not. But again - NO EXCUSES. There are plenty of folks who have thyroid problems who are not overweight and have figured out what needs to be done. I'm going to be one of those, hopefully in the next 180 days.

Now, the good thing is, I don't have any problem exercising, none at all. I have run 4 marathons and walked 1, plus a bunch of other shorter distance races over the last 8 years. Recently, I also took up Thai Boxing. I burn hundreds, no thousands, of calories a week. In fact, exercise is probably the only reason I don't weigh more.

I'll share more about me in other posts. For now, this is the beginning of my one-eighty.