Friday, January 29, 2010

Knock Me Over with a Feather

Actually it might take something more like a truck, but seriously, I am bowled over by all the bloggy love I got in the comments on yesterday's blog.

When I was writing that entry I was doing it because I needed to "cry" in words, to get it all out, to find some relief and give my brain a break.  Never in a million years did I expect so much virtual love.  The odd thing about it to me is that each and every commenter hit the nail on the head and had great advice for me.  Well, some of you had no advice but you had a hug and that was just as important.  You guys are right, 50 is just a number and it might be a bitch sometimes, it's not a beauty contest but my days of beauty are not over they are just evolving, my husband really does want ME (besides he's too old and tired to train a 20 year old - ha!), I do have some pretty serious self-esteem and body issues and I need to make a plan so that I don't continue to fall into this type of abyss.  Seriously, who needs to pay for counseling with all this bloggy love in one place? You will never know how much that meant (and means) to me.

So I think I spoke too soon.  As I sit here typing this I am at home because I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by that truck I mentioned above.  I am full blown sick.  I think it's just a bad head cold but I have a slight fever and I actually slept 11 hours and I never, ever do that! Time to stay home, take care of Helen and have some chicken noodle soup, the only problem being that I don't even think there's a can of chicken noodle in my house. Right about now, I'm wishing Biz was my neighbor.

That brings me to some of the things I'm trying to do to take care of myself in terms on my health and weight - aka The Perfect 10 Challenge.  Here is my next update:

Track my food. This is the first week I've had some trouble with this one. I did manage to track fully for 5 days and got in about half my food for the 6th. No reason except I wasn't getting right into my online tracker and trying to go back and recreate doesn't work well for me. If I'm not going to track immediately (or pre-track like meal planning) I need to write it on paper and I did not do that.

Lose 8 pounds. Won't know the final result on this just yet. I am not weighing myself today because of the week I had. Whatever the result on the scale today, it would be false.

Run a minimum of 20 miles per week. I ran 20.45 miles this week and I did that with only 4 days of running verses the 5 days I ran last week.

Water: 64 oz. a day. Nope, not even close. And an arctic air mass has moved in so I will really have to work on this one in the upcoming week.

Not a great week in terms of meeting my goals but I don't feel off track per se.  I feel like I'm moving right along and this has been a blip on the screen of life.  That's good, right?

Now for something you don't know about me:  When I moved to Zambia at the age of 18, I lived there like a native person would because my then husband was from there. Which basically means I had no modern conveniences. For example,  the first 2 1/2 years I lived there I had no refrigeration.  I also had no car so in order to cook our meals, I had to walk to the market (~4 miles each way), to buy what we needed to eat for that day only.  I also had no washing machine or dryer.  I washed our clothes in the bathtub then hung them on a line to dry.  Because of a creature called the putsi fly, everything had to be ironed, including underwear!  (I did have an iron.)  One of the kindest things that was ever done for me was after my daughter was born. A Southern Baptist missionary lady took it upon herself to come to my home every other day for 6 weeks and pick up our clothes and my baby's diapers and she would wash and dry them and return them to me the next day.  A small thing to her but a huge thing to a 19 year old new mother.


  1. Wow, what a life to live at 19. Nothing like living a very basic life and with a young baby. You are one strong woman :)

  2. I hope I wasn't too abrupt yesterday. Greta got me thinking about that. You do deserve to be validated, and I'm glad you have somewhere you can be honest about you emotional pain.

    I'm so sorry about your being sick. Bleck. I wish I lived closer so I could bring you some foghorn soup, and whatever else might fit into your diet. XXX

  3. I missed your post yesterday so just caught up on it. I haven't read the comments yet, but will when I get done connmenting here. I could relate so much to some of your thoughts about turning 50. For me, I was so obsessed with it the whole year I was 49 that by the time my birthday rolled around, it was anticlimactic. And I was sort of magically infused with the notion that I didn't have to take any crap off anyone anymore, given that I was 50 freaking years old.

    I also identify with your feelings getting stirred up after the Holiday party. Journey Beyond Survival had a fantastic comment on my post today about how we have to recalibrate our identities over time and with successes. Thought this was very well put.

    Good work on the goals - oh to be able to run! And smart to not get on the scale; it can't play with your head if you don't let it in when you're feeling vulnerable.

  4. What you wrote in your first paragraph is why I believe I've been successful in getting my weight off - the support of the blogging community can't be beat. Glad you are feeling better about yourself today; sorry you are sick, but it's good that you took the day off to care for yourself. And funny, I wish Biz was my neighbor, too!

  5. Me too, re the blogging helping SO much! (and that means all of you!) I'm so so sorry you are so sick. Hope you enjoy a quiet day at home, and start to feel better emotionally and physically...soon.

  6. I sincerely hope you recover from this soon! Your Zambia story facinates me.

    I agree about getting therapuetic value from our blogging experience 100%. I've learned more about me and my behaviors from my writing and honest feedback than any amount of money could buy me from a therapist.

    Thank you for sharing your journey,

    My best always

  7. I'm sorry to read about your cold, but glad you are taking care of yourself! Fluids! Fluids!

    I am eight years older than The Husband, so I definitely know about feeling inadequate standing next to women his age or younger. It's a horrible feeling, but I just try to remember that I was eight years older than him when he asked me to marry him (and about the weight I am right now), so it can't be all bad.

  8. Your Zambia story is intriguing Helen!

    I am sorry you haven't had the best week, and perhaps even more sorry to hear you are under the weather. I hope you get over this soon.

  9. living in foreign countries...great experience.
    It really, really makes you appreciate living in America, running water...vehicles and the whole nine. We all have days when we wonder how our husbands view us.
    I think they are mostly thinking...where's dinner?

  10. Wow you lived in the real Africa :)

    I know that feeling about false weight results. It's annoying.

  11. Just now catching up on blogs, Turning 50 is no big deal, did that last year, and I am healthier at 50 then I was at 40, hope to be even healthier at 60!!! Care to join me ?

  12. I love your Zambia story Helen. And isn't it true that sometimes the smallest kindness can be a huge help to others? I love to hear stories about people taking care of one another and helping one another. This is the world I want to live in and am working hard to create. And I know there are others out there doing the same as well.

    I think you are doing great and running 20 miles this week?!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

  13. Sounds to me like you are doing a great job taking care of yourself and continuing to set and reach aspirations in your life. There's no way old age (rigor mortis) can set in with that much life flowing!

    What a strong foundation you have with that history in Africa. . . if you start out ironing away flies in your underwear can anything knock you down???? :)

  14. Wow, love that help you got at 19. Things like that we never forget huh?

    I think you did AWESOME on your goals this week, especially with the number of miles. Keep it up. You've got this!