Monday, April 19, 2010

Something's Gotta Give

We spent all day Saturday (well from 10-5) trying to find a vehicle for Mr. Helen.  He has always driven the older car so we've pretty much had only 1 car payment at any given time during our years together.  I appreciate that about him:  the fact that he wants 'better' for me.  Unfortunately, the time has finally come where his car died (it was 17 years old!) so now we are going to have 2 car payments for a while.  Because he has always sacrified, I want him to have what he wants.  He really isn't asking for much.  He just wants a simple little pickup truck.  Due to the fact that we already have one car payment, of course our finances are limited.  But we had no idea it would be this hard to find something.  It's like everything the dealers bring in is blinged out and cost $50K.  Maybe other people can afford that but we just can't.  We even looked at used but I resisted because I don't want him driving another old vehicle with 75,000 miles on it - that costs 15K to boot! So it took all day, then at the very end of the day we found something that maybe would work.  But of course, it's not in stock.  He's going back this morning to see if they can find one. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
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My family room still isn't back together.  It's like the flood made it the gift that keeps on giving.  I want to give this gift back! Between full time jobs and other obligations we can't seem to get it finished.  We've been working on it as much as possible for two weeks but with limited time it's taking forever (and we've had vehicle shopping in the mix too).  Mr. Helen finally came home from work yesterday and said, "I took off next Friday and Sunday so that I could get 4 days in a row to just finish this room and get it back together. Plus maybe we can get the garage cleaned out too."  Which means I need to take Friday off to help.  I hate using my vacation days for stuff like this.

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Not to mention that we finally discussed thoroughly that we really can't afford a vacation this year.  I mean a go away, leave it all behind sort of vacation.  Once we get through the emergency expenditures on the family room and vehicle, we still have to reroof our garage.  Sometimes it stinks being a responsible adult.

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I want to believe all this uproar is not affecting me, but truthfully it is.  Mentally and physically.

Definitely I've been fighting "stinking thinking" all weekend.  Have felt like I was in a downward spiral that I couldn't stop.

I keep feeling resentful about food tracking and exercise.  I was sooooooo busy yesterday working on our family room yet felt guilty all day long that I skipped doing any form of "exercise."  That's just dumb but I couldn't shake the feeling.  Then I sat down at the computer to input my food and found myself muttering and cussing and slamming the keyboard because I feel so MAD that I can't seem to get enough of a grip that I can just eat and not track and not worry that I've overdone it.  For goodness sake it's just food!!

Additionally, I know for a fact my hormones are messing with me (the female ones, not the thyroid) because I can tell by the way I feel... like crying for no reason at all - or for every reason.

The key will be to get through all of this without stress eating and skipping exercise - or somehow managing to not beat myself to a pulp if I mess up.  Because really, what I want to do, is go to bed and sleep.  Or at least lay there and read a book while sipping on coffee.  Surrounded by a cocoon of blankets and pretending that none of it is going on.

I'm tired.  Pooped.  Exhausted.  Something's gotta give.

11 comments:

  1. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe something in the air, but you're the third blog in a row I've read this morning where people are posting they're a little down.

    Sounds like you have a LOT going on and none of it fun or even normal. Just one crummy thing after another.

    Well, hang in there. Try to stop the spiral. And cry if you feel like it. Sometimes that helps. Maybe stay home in bed today or tomorrow. A mental health day. :)

    Tak e care of yourself Helen. It will get better. It always does. :)

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  2. Stress will do that. It messes everything up! You're making progress, it's just slower than you'd like. You'll have a new family room, a new car, a new garage when this is all over. You'll feel good about it too.
    Yeah, it sux being a grown-up sometimes! But I don't think I want to be a kid again!
    Good luck with everything.

    xoxo

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  3. This has been a stressful difficult spring for a lot of people. Maybe there are evil sun spots or something. The hormonal fluctuations can really add another layer to the mix, for sure! One minute at a time.

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  4. Stress, stress, stress... it is the toughest thing on our bodies, mind and soul. We must be soul sisters :)

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  5. I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed. It is understandable, really. With all the flooding, vehicle issues, etc. Just treat yourself gently. There is really no harm in cuddling up in a blanket, while sipping tea. The world won't slip off it's axis :-)

    Take care of you and from that space, it becomes easier to handle the potholes.

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  6. I wish there were magic words or a wand that I could wave to make it all better! Unfortunately, all I have is a "Hang in there!" and a thumbs up with a =/ little concerned face.

    And you know, I was where you are with the counting calories thing at some point and took a vacation from it all. Funny enough, the weight finally started coming off at a decent clip. Maybe that's a vacay that you CAN take?

    (Not saying a diet vacation ... but counting calories is a whole 'nother beast!)

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  7. Ah, you definitely need to be gentled a bit, Helen, you've carried a LOT on your shoulders! And simply the prospect of NOT being able to take some well-deserved time off and get AWAY would make me weepy, too. (Well, actually it does.) Hang in there, find ways to comfort yourself, and give yourself a star for really being such a trooper through this all.

    (On an aside, I'd be interested to know if your thyroid ever messes with your emotions. I find that often when I'm weepy, my levels are too low, and when I get all aggressive, I need to cut back on my meds. Do you find this, too?)

    A ♥ HUG ♥ to you!

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  8. Helen, you have so much going on right now. I cannot imagine the stress you are feeling. Like all things, this will pass though. Just keep your chin up.

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  9. You've had prolonged stress, so of course you are going to feel overwhelmed. And you are correct: being a responsible adult does, indeed, suck. I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now - I hope today went well for you and Mr. Helen is out of car buyer's hell and behind the wheel of a shiny new pick up. Hang in there, my friend.

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  10. I know it sounds cliche, but just take it day-by-day. You will get through this trying time, and soon you will look back on it and say "I can't believe we got through that!" And you'll be stronger, wiser and even more AWESOMER from the experience. (is that a word??)

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