Friday, June 11, 2010

Diamonds and Pearls

This has been a really hard couple of weeks.  Just when I thought it couldn't get any harder, it did.

Yet, in the midst of all this hardness, something clicked with me and I have now strung together FOUR "one good days!"  FOUR.  I've been thinking about that.  A lot.  Because you know today is Friday and the weekend will be filled, again, with family gatherings and food and wine.  Everyone is hovering at my in-laws right now - rightly so. But the thinking has been more because I want to keep this up.

Two bloggers have given me hope in different ways.

MizFit who said
"every day its a choice.

some days choices are better than others.
all in all I just strive to string em together like a necklace and hope the GOOD CHOICE DAYS outweigh the 'bad' and that the BAD CHOICE DAYS are choices as well (not mindless occurrences)"

because well, Saturdays are really hard for me even when it's not a hard week. We usually go out to eat, have drinks, etc., etc..  It's the one day that Mr. Helen and I share as a day off.  But in the process of thinking and thinking and thinking, I have decided no mindless occurrences - even if I do 'relax' a bit I am going to stay present and make choices!  So, even if the choices aren't the best, they will be deliberate.  Thanks, Miz.

and Shelley who said
"you are in the midst of a very stressful situation and now is probably not the best time to make any drastic changes...wait until after the funeral and memorial services. But you said it - you are going to have to give up certain things (wine is a biggie) and you are going to be hungry for a little while - but you will adjust if this is truly what you want.

And sometimes? One day at a time needs to be one hour at a can do anything if you take enough baby steps."

because, well, when families grieve you know what they do?  They gather, they eat, they drink, they fellowship.  Not the ideal situation when the food you are eating is a gift from someone and you have no clue as to it's prepration.  So, I need to just take it minute by minute by hour by day, whether it is about grief, food, wine, exercise whatever.  It's all going to be OK because I do want this, I do!  This also brought to mind (because Shelley is becoming quite the runner) that the exact way I learned to run was to take it a little bit at a time.  It wasn't a big huge sweeping all out woo hoo look at me 3 mile run - it was me struggling to run even 1/4 of a mile.  That's right I couldn't even run 1/4 of a mile.  But I took the baby steps and now I've completed a myriad of distances. One little thing at a time is all I have to do.  Thanks, Shelley.

So now, I baby step my way into this weekend with the four diamonds and pearls on my necklace of 'one days' hoping to come back next week with as many more as I can manage to gather. Wish me luck.


  1. I agree whole heartedly with what Miz, and Shelley said they got it right! One day, one minute, one hour at a time baby step by baby step is how you progress on this journey.

    If you can treat the weekend days similar to the week days I think you will do fine. As for eating in stressful family situations just stay aware of what food and the volume your eating and make it a choice.

    I'll be saying a prayer for you and your family as you go through this very hard time.

  2. Actual new plan. As soon as I'm home from holland and back at WW I am going to thread a bead on a string for every good day I have, and take one off for the bad days. Lets see how long til I get a necklace!

  3. Good stuff, Helen. And I love Florrie's new plan. I think I might do the same thing. What a great visual that can become an actual. Be gentle in your mindfulness this weekend. Enjoy your interactions with the families. Still thinking of you.

  4. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to deal with in this life. Not only your own painful loss, but watching those you love handle the grief is heart wrenching.

    Hang in there sweet Helen. Sounds like you're doing better. Four days is fantastic under any circumstances, but especially now. Sometimes even under the best situation I can't get four days of eating right strung together.

    Hugs to you. :)

  5. Ditto on what Diana said. So sorry to hear you are struggling. chin up and take 1 day at a time.

  6. Sounds like you are following some great advice! One thing I'd like to add...make sure you hug yourself at least once a day! You deserve it!!

  7. I'll be thinking about you this weekend. Hang in there Miss Helen.

  8. Good luck! I will keep you in my thoughts this weekend! That really was some great advice. Sometimes, "one minute at a time" is the best approach. You can do it!

  9. Lots of good advice there Helen. Isn't it wonderful how much we learn from each other? You have a new awareness and it will help you get through the weekend.

    Oh, about the question you left on my blog about the scale. Yes the number does flash and I had to take a couple of pictures before I captured my weight!

  10. This stuff is not fun though contrary to popular opinion/belief, this *is* what life is. Ups and downs and sadness and happiness.
    Here's hoping your necklace gets longer and longer. And your days become such that you don't need a necklace any longer though a jewelry store would be kind of nice.

  11. It helps me so much to hear that you couldn't run 1/4 mile at first. Makes me think that the half really is possible. You inspire me more than you know - you really do.

  12. Helen, you can do it! Make it a great weekend!

  13. You do it. Here's hoping the weekend is not as stressful as you anticipate. ((Big hug))