Monday, August 30, 2010

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up.

All I wanted from either week I took off of work this year was just to get some rest, some complete relief - time that was void of all the things that are pulling me under like lead weights.  I didn't get it either week.  I feel as if the universe has conspired against me and yet I know that is the silliest idea ever.

Even though I am doing everything in my power to mitigate the stress, it hovers over me and threatens to consume me at any minute.  I hate when I feel like this because it makes me ultra sensitive to everything, including things that I normally would not even react to.

And it makes every day things like eating healthfully and getting some exercise seem like the biggest mountains to climb, even though they really are not.

I have only had one other time frame in my life when I can remember being in a similar place but for some reason I cannot remember how I managed to claw my way out.

Exhaustion has set in, completely and fully. I am feeling so overwhelmed by every aspect of my life right now, I am almost beyond crying - or coping.

This makes me sad.  Because I don't want my life to be about crying or coping.  Or settling.

I want my life to be about living abundantly and fully and joyfully.  I should be able to have this.  To do it.  Because really, I am only responsible for me.

Yet here I am stuck in a mud rut, smiling externally and screaming my head off behind the smile.

19 comments:

  1. Being overwhelmed is one of the worst feelings.

    Make a list of goals, things you need to accomplish. Then write out the actual steps of HOW you can accomplish them. Then refer to the list often. When I have something concrete to look at I feel more grounded.

    Hang in there hun

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  2. My heart is heavy for you. I am sorry you are in this place. If you would like to talk, I am happy to listen.
    Laurie

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  3. Just a hug. I hope things look brighter for you soon.

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  4. Helen, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. And that the vacations weren't all they should/could have been (stupid rain!). Just wondering, is this time of year hard because of anniversaries of losing people? Any case, I hate that sinking feeling. Hope you get out of this soon. Hugs to you, my friend.

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  5. Oh my gosh! We're living the same life!!!

    Seriously, I'm in the same place feeling the same way. This morning I even thought, what if I just drive the opposite direction from work and just run away. Forever.

    Of course, I didn't do it, but I thought about it. I really wanted to. But I didn't. I decided to suck it up another day.

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  6. When I am overwhelmed, one thing that helps it to pick one thing. Make that one thing your focus. Complete that one thing and it is a victory! I then pick the next thing. Another victory! It is like cleaning, just one spot at a time baby!!

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  7. Sorry you are in that place Helen. It just plain sucks. We are here for you though!

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  8. I get down in the dumps too. But then I watch 5 minutes of TV and realize that there is somebody else a whole lot off worse than me. It puts a lot of things into perspective!

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  9. Sending you huge virtual hugs your way Helen! So sorry neither week off gave you what you wanted. I somehow have the ability to have things roll off my back - I usually say to myself if something starts to bother me "will I even remember this a week from now" and the answer is usually no, so I just move on.

    Let me know if I can help - you can email me anytime to vent! :D

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  10. Make a list of things you are thankful for: a close friend, a loving pet, food in your pantry, a job, just the basics. It always helps me to see the things I do have that I might be taking for granted.

    Hugs.

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  11. Wishing you well Helen and I hope this phase passes quickly. I hate feeling like that!

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  12. Just sending you a hug, Helen. I'm glad to see you back, but I am sorry that you are going through this anxious, stressful time.

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  13. Good gawd gertie, I thought you went on vacation! I know the weather was crappy cuz I saw your FB posts but what the heck???

    You know what you're supposed to do when this crap happens? You're supposed to see it as regular life and be grateful for it and know that we have good days and bad days and happy times and vacation where the weather sucks and eventual memory loss where we only remember good things once we're in "the home."

    Thinking extra good thoughts for you during this time. This video shows my favorite applicable movie quote:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY

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  14. I wish I knew the words to say to make this all better for you. It seems like I have had my own share of times like this during the last twelve months though, so I obviously don't have it figured out. The only thing I have found that helps is going back the the very basic steps and finding little victories everywhere I can.

    I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!

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  15. Sorry to hear this, I wish I had something to offer that would change everything, just live one day at a time, one step at a time and before long you will be climbing a mountian. What I do when I get like this is to take a good look around me... I am sure you will find many whom are less fortunate than you, I know I do.

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  16. Augh. That's no good. I hope things start to ease up for you soon...Sending good thoughts your way.

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  17. Is there a way you can 'run away from home' for a few days..like 3 or so...I did that a few years ago...with my hubby's permission.
    IT helped. I rested, I read...it felt good.
    hugs, I hope you feel better soon helen.

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  18. I'm sorry for you Helen and hope you will crawl up soon. For now all I can say is take one step at a time. Making a list what Tricia suggests is a good thing to start with. That's what helps me when life tries to overwhelm me.

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  19. ok
    others have said it and probably more eloquently than I --- but it is so true for me as well.

    step back and slooooowly come out.
    one step at a time.
    one "thing" at a time.

    xo xo

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