Saying "find the silver lining in the rainbow" doesn't help me. Nor does, "well you should be glad you GOT a vacation," " be glad your husband isn't dead," "be glad you don't have cancer," etc.
In fact, those type of comments sort of piss me off. I don't need a reminder that I'm lucky to have been able to try to have a vacation or that there are people who are lots worse off than me. It makes me think that the person who is responding to me thinks I'm an idiot. An uncompassionate person who doesn't understand that people have death, disease and destruction in their life. Guess what? I know that. I acknowledge that. I have experienced quite a bit of that myself over the last 18 months.
But what I am going through - most of which I choose not to share on this blog but that includes the two disastrous non-vacations we had this year - that's MY situation and I'm allowed to feel however I want to about it. Even if you think it's petty and silly.
Regarding our vacation, there WAS NO SILVER LINING. It WAS NOT RESTFUL OR RELAXING. It got cut short by 3 days. We lost around $750. We did not enjoy each other's company or the fact that we were not home because the stress built every day. It was EXTREMELY STRESSFUL, evidenced by the fact that even my husband who NEVER REACTS TO ANYTHING, reacted. IT SUCKED PEOPLE, IT SUCKED. And that's just the facts.
Now, this doesn't mean that we won't get over it and that maybe even one day we'll laugh about most of what is going on in our lives right now including the bad vacation. In fact, Janell's comment on yesterday's post actually did make me laugh out loud. Because I know for a fact that one day we will look at that picture, say "Wow. Worst. Vacation. Ever." and then laugh. But right now, it stings. Probably because we put too much hope in it, but still, it stings.
There will be other vacations and we've had some wonderful ones. Been blessed many times with great vacations as a matter of fact. Which is why I know for sure we'll get over it - and over ourselves in a few days.
And now you've learned something about me that you might not have known: I can be very direct about how I feel.
Okay, everybody breathe.
In other news, I have to thank Shelley for posting a photo of the zucchini spaghetti she has been eating. Which I found catching up on my blog reading. Can I just say, oh my goodness, it is so good. I have been sick and tired of salads lately and all this week I've been bringing a bowl of that to work with me as my veggie. Yummo! Thanks Shelley (and Biz too since it was her idea initially)!
It always makes me thoughtful when I hear things like that because I know for a fact that I can out-eat my exercise. Done it many times... including for the last couple of years. A 5'6" woman who runs 30 miles a week and participates in Muay Thai Boxing doesn't weigh 180 because she's not exercising enough. The plain fact is that food factors in. I suppose it's actually my biggest factor, especially with the thyroid issue. I have yet to figure out what calories to take in so to speak. And believe me when I say I've tried all sorts of variations from 1000-2000 calories a day. Nothing seems to have been able to break whatever is going on in my body.
So while I say hurray for anyone who manages to fit in exercise, exercise alone is not the answer. It really is a whole life thing not just one thing.
This morning while running speed intervals on my treadmill I watched Huge. Huge is a show that has been on ABC Family over the summer and is about a Fat Camp for teens. At first I wasn't even sure if I liked it, but there was something about it that kept me watching. Maybe because it ended up being so much than just a show about a fat camp - it had teen angst, summer love and brought back memories of my own summers at camp.
The show I watched today was the season finale. There was a scene that really struck me. One of the campers found out in a previous episode where the key to kitchen pantry was hidden. She used that knowledge to sneak herself and another girl in there and they grabbed a tray of brownies and started eating them then rearranging the leftovers on the tray so it wouldn't be noticeable that some had been taken. One of the girls was just shoving the brownies down her throat. The other was chewing then spitting it out into a napkin. When asked why she said it was because then she could have the taste without the calories. Then she said, "That's what I miss about being a kid: being able to eat a brownie and not feeling guilty about it."
My immediate thought was my goodness, isn't that what we all want? Peace with food. Being able to eat and not feel guilty about it, no matter what the food is that we're eating.