I know! How confusing is that? How is that even possible? And why didn’t I just give myself a “C” which would be the mid-ground between the A and the F-?
Because when it comes to my health, I seem to have developed two very distinct areas:
Of course, the ideal, especially if you’re trying to be your healthiest, would be that the two would work together. In my case, they have not been for a while.
First, the “A” grade. That would be my exercise. I have been and continue to do really well with that. There’s not too much that puts me off… illness of course and once in a while the miscellaneous things that life throws at me. But honestly, I do a pretty good job of running around 20 miles a week and getting in two 1-hour Thai Boxing classes. With winter approaching, if it was like last year, I found myself at Thai sometimes 3 times in a week.
This is an exercise program that fits my life well and I really do not have any problem staying committed to it. Not that there’s not room for improvement. Ideally I would strength train… have I mentioned how much I
So I think my exercise plan and my faithfulness to it deserves an “A” (if the strength training was in there I’d give myself an A+).
Now to the “F-.”
By now you’ve deduced that it’s the food/nutrition area. How clever of you!
As you know I’ve been trying mindful eating while at the same time having some serious issues with my stomach. Then I had problems with not being hungry. Since I already have a pretty screwed up metabolism and a thyroid problem, I knew this couldn’t possibly be good. So, I decided to take the advice of others and eat a little, even if I wasn’t hungry, especially if I knew hard exercise was I my future. That helped alleviate some of the stomach issues I’ve been having. Good, right? Well, not exactly. As these past few weeks have gone on, I have been feeling heavier. Since I hadn’t been on any scale for those weeks, it was simply a feeling. Then the "feeling" literally translated to my clothing, especially in the waists of some of the slacks I’ve been wearing as it has gotten cooler. This was worrisome to say the least.
I decided this didn’t have to be either/or. I would eat mindfully, then the next day I would input the food into a calorie tracker to see what exactly my body was demanding. I’ve been doing that for the last week. As it turns out, I’m averaging around 1900 calories a day. I’m not going to tell you they are 1900 nutritious calories each day because some days they are not. At all. Even with that number, technically, at 1900 calories a day and my current weight, I should be losing something, albeit slowly.
Tuesday night, in the midst of looking for yet another item I had misplaced (that has got to be my personal worst symptom of menopause!), I found a small notebook I had also been looking for since July. In this notebook, I had written down my starting weight and measurements on July 1, 2009 which is when I started Muay Thai. I figured if I didn’t lose any weight, maybe I’d see improvements in another way.
Finding that notebook made me want to know the numbers. On Wednesay morning I took my measurements and then weighed myself.
I weigh 6.4 pounds more than I did a year ago. My bust is 2 inches larger; my waist is 2 inches larger (grrrr). The only place I saw any improvement was in my arms, which are 1 inch smaller. This doesn’t surprise me because we do so many pushups in Thai I lose count. (Note: When I
Based on those numbers, my conclusion was
I don’t mean to take up your valuable time but seriously peeps, I AM SICK OF THIS. Actually no, I don’t mean that. What I mean is I AM SICK OF MYSELF and my half-assed ways that are leading to a double ass. I’m tired of out-eating my exercise, I’m tired of being so good at exercise only to make piss poor food and beverage choices that not only set me back, they set me over.
My head knows that I need to change my ways, but my heart and soul can't seem to grasp it. My thyroid is one messed up mo-fo and I cannot play games with food and food choices. As sick and tired of myself as I am, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I continue on this self and body destructive path. Why can’t I realize that I have a medical condition as well as a mental condition going on here? Because I’ve ALWAYS said, if I had to stop eating/drinking/doing something because of a medical condition I would. But here I am and I haven’t.
Here I sit. With my A and my F. One pretty much cancelling out the other. Yet still I know, for sure that...
...even though I still can't figure out how to make the switch turn on.