And about those abs? Good Lordy Gertie, I'd love to have me some killer abs. But really Jackie Warner's abs are pretty unrealistic for me mainly because I'm not even shaped like that, um, which is sort of boyish and shapeless, dare I say. What I really want is MY version of those abs. I found them yesterday... in a photo that I came across while doing some research. And don't even ask me what I was researching and how in heck did I get sidetracked. Anyway, recognize this?
If you don't, that's 65 year old Helen Mirren's abs. I'm 15 years younger than that. I'm sort of shaped like her when I'm at a good weight. Why can't I have these? I want these. Which, to be honest, might require some surgery in addition to losing around 35 pounds... but still they represent the realm of possibility for me.
Funny how the universe seems to align to bash us over the head with signs...
Last night, I was catching up on some backlogged magazines and came across a Saucony advertisement that said:
Halfway up a hill
is when you
realize an ounce
can actually be a
Of course they were referring to their shoes, but I immediately thought of my ass. Because that is true too - the more you weigh, the harder it is to drag your behind through a run, period, never mind up a hill. And I have been
I had a very superstitious maternal grandmother who believed 'signs' always came in multiples. If she was here, I'd bet she'd tell me that was my third one.
Second thing was the Jackie Warner book with the whole wishy-washy business and living "as if." Written words presenting some of the same information to me that I'm positive I've heard before, but presented in a way that they started illuminating dark areas in my thoughts.
But the first thing happened over the weekend. Mr. Helen and I got into a conversation in which he asked me to describe myself as an "athlete," which immediately made me hysterical with laughter.
Once I calmed down, I responded that I feel like I work out more than a lot of people, that I'm pretty strict and regimented. I run around 20 miles a week and go to Muay Thai at least twice which generally amounts to working out 6 days a week. I also feel like I do that in self defense as I have a job where I sit way too much. I told him that I don't feel like a martial artist, so my definition would be, I'm a runner who does martial arts.
His response completely shocked me and threw me for a loop. A loop that has been playing in my head since the weekend (probably waiting for other signs to confirm what he said).
He said that he felt that I could be one of the best female martial artists in our dojo (and especially for my age - a statement that I'm never sure how to take) if I would just commit. He doesn't think I'm really committed to it, or to weight loss, or to getting myself into the kind of lean shape I'd need to be in, to be a fabulous martial artist. He also admitted that he realizes I'm battling a myriad of physiological issues which makes some of it tough. Still overall, he's convinced that I need to commit and haven't. He stated that knows this because he's seen me really commit to other things and when I do, I'm like a Pit Bull (his words, and don't get offended doggie people). He finished by reiterating that even though I am pretty good at martial arts, I could be excellent.
Believe it or not, I didn't get upset because he didn't say it in a mean way at all. He was just sort of factual. I do value his input because he is an excellent martial artist. Did you know that not everyone who earns their black belt earns the title "Sensei" with it? But Mr. Helen has. So he knows what he babbles on about.
Lots to think about there. Mostly because I'm not even sure I want to commit to martial arts that way. But it is very interesting to think that someone watches me and sees that potential. And I do have lots of things that need working on.
My martial arts? My running? My weight? Those abs? Maybe it IS a lack of commitment?