Thursday, May 5, 2011

It's Not Rocket Science

Yesterday I opened up my web browser to do a search and got sidetracked by a link that made me click:

You don't say?  Why on earth researchers think this sort of thing has to be studied and why they even waste money doing the study is beyond me.  While I know there are probably many obese people who have fabulous sex lives,  I would venture to say that all you'd have to do is just talk to an overweight person - and they wouldn't even have to be obese - to find out that there are many, many things that are less satiisfying when one is carrying around extra poundage.

Just to name a few besides sex: shopping for clothing - or worse - bathing suits!, travel, exercising, social events, and yes, dare I say it?  Even eating.  I'm sure every overweight person has their own personal list of less satisfying things.

When you walk around heavy all these things become a matter of surviving it, getting through it and honestly, there's no satisfaction in that.

Now I know some bloggers who have been hundreds of pounds overweight would say that someone like me, who has a lot less to lose, couldn't possibly understand this.  But I counter that if I took the time to calculate my BMI right now I'm probably a point or two into the "obese" category.

In any case, I understand what it's like to not be able to get my body to move the way I want it to.  Though sports related, I think many of the injuries I've been dealing with since last November can ultimately be traced back to the extra poundage I'm toting around.  It's just a simple truth that movement is harder when you're overweight.  The hope is that if you get moving, you'll move your body to a smaller size therefore being less susceptible to all the issues obesity brings along with it.  (However, to do that, one has to eat less, and that is where I've struggled.  Yes I can out eat my exercise, no problem at all!)

Then, of course there are all the psychological and mental aspects of the weight.  One truly does carry a load. I know that when I am at a better weight, I feel better emotionally which makes me a happier and 'lighter' person to be around both in casual acquaintance and intimate relationships.  As I've said to one individual who in the past felt they needed to remark on my weight, "You don't have to say a word, I beat myself up enough for both of us."  So, it would only make sense that if you have a better body image mentally, you would have better sex, right?  Because then you'd not be intimidated to make yourself vulnerable to another person, which is what sex is at it's core.

So once again, I've had revealed to me what I already know:  living with extra weight is a burden in every area of my life.  It's said that knowledge is power, yet somehow I've yet to really tap in.


  1. I think the reason why people study these sort of things is because the medical community tries to not rely on assumptions. If something gets actually measured, then people can start doing things like educating doctors about obese people's sex lives.

    "Doctors should be aware of this issue and invite obese patients to talk about it, the researchers said.".

    Also, if someone were to write a book about being an obese person, they might cite the research to show that sex lives are affected, and not rely on assumptions that suggest that "any woman can get some if they really want to" or "being obese doesn't really affect the dating lives of obese men, just women". Both of which I have read on weight loss blogs, and both of which are wrong.

  2. Helen I could not have written this post any better and I totally agree. The only thing I never thought of saying but will remember because it's a good one is that you beat yourself up enough about your weight for the two of us!

  3. Funny how once the weight is gone, there are other issues that pop up. And body image doesn't totally change, either. The mind is a funny thing.

  4. Thanks for commenting on my blog regarding the same article. What I thought was interesting is that MSN changed the headline from a more sensational one on the first day to a more academically based headline the next day. There must have been a backlash or concern about the first headline. This prompted me to think that overweight and obese people are being exploited--this time in the context of their sexual lives--by a statement that read something like this: "Obese People Have Bad Sex."

    You wrote a great post, Helen, and I agree with everything. Again, thanks for the comment.

  5. Great post. How utterly ignorant that scientists are conducting this kind of bullshit "research" when there are so many more life and death matters on which to spend their time and resources.

    I love everything you said here, Helen. Definitely, living overweight is no picnic.

  6. I could not agree with you more Helen. While my husband has always thought I was sexy no matter what my weight was, he married me when I weighed 139 pounds - in the back of my head I always think "does he think he got the wrong end of the deal because I gained 30+ pounds since we got married?"

    Most of my weight is in my belly area - my one worst body part and I always try to wear a shirt when we have sex because I am so self contious (sp?) of it - extra weight does really effect almost every aspect of my life too - kinda sad, isn't it?

    That being said - we are total foxes! Yep, brought out an 80's term there! :D

  7. "You don't have to say a word, I beat myself up enough for both of us." I've said this more times than I can count.

    I think this post "speaks" to many of us. Extra weight is not just a heavy burden on the body but a heavy burden on the soul. Losing weight is a mental and physical journey. But we are strong women. We can do anything.

  8. Excellent post Helen! Very thought provoking. And very true that there are both physical and emotional burdens that we carry with our extra lbs. Thanks for this, gives me much to think about. Have a great day.

  9. Great post, Helen. I agree with Kelly on that one quote. I beat myself up enough for a family of 10.

    But remember a body in motion tends to stay in motion... So just keep moving.

    BTW, I think you're tapping into the knowledge really well. But then, that's my opinion. ;-)

  10. I can only speak for myself: 48-year-old Perimenopausal Women Named Karen Who Live On Ocean Ave. In New London Have Less Satisfying Sex Lives Than They Did When They Were Obese, But Younger

    Sorry, but it's true LOL!! Sure, I was insecure about my body but Tim has loved me and lusted after me at all sizes I have been! And the sex was better than it is now (and that's all on me, not him!) And it has nothing to do with my body image or willingness to be vulnerable and everything to do with the changes that are going on in my body.

    Something I wonder about the study: were the people they studied thin at one time, then got obese? Because really that's the only way to compare...

    Let me share something that Kyoshi Olinda used to say to me all the time: "stop being so hard on yourself." Seriously...she said that to me many times, As someone who used to be as hard on herself...or hurts me to see you doing it.