Monday, August 8, 2011
I have been shocked at how hard it has been to have an effective reentry into real life since our vacation. I don't know if it is because this vacation was so overdue that we really needed 2 weeks to feel completely rested and ready to go again, or if it's just me not wanting to face the music be it work, eating, or exercise.
I struggled, struggled, struggled to stop the extra eating that I had allowed on vacation. As usual it was easy to stick to more reasonable eating while at work because I ate what I brought. I've never been one to be tempted by office treats whether they be from the vending machine or goodies sitting in the kitchenette. When I got home though, the battle began... a daily glass of wine, a handful of Cheez-Its, a slice of cheese on a cracker. All tasty but unnecessary!
In addition, Mr. Helen also continued vacation mode throughout last week culminating with me finding cupcakes in the refrigerator when I got home Friday night. And yes, I ate one (per day until they were gone.)
Shelley, was a great cheerleader throughout my many whining emails and texts but I think perhaps I really needed her to be here in person to threaten me. Or watch me. Because it's amazing how much I won't eat if I think someone is watching.
I felt the same reluctance with exercise, which is odd for me. Though I was quite rested and many of the nagging aches were gone by the time we got home, I literally had to just make myself do it. But I did the bare minimum that I felt was acceptable and I did not exercise joyfully like I normally do. It all felt like a great big boring chore that I had to get done before I'd be allowed to move on to anything else.
Of course too, lately I have not been finding the joy that I usually do with my running. I am down to running only around 15 miles a week which is the least I've run in years. Not that I need to run great amounts as I am not training for any racing, but I've always WANTED to run more than that. Right now, I just don't.
Perhaps some of this is due to the fact that with the various injuries I've had off and on since January (the SI joint, the calf muscle pull, the nerve compression) it has been hard to run consistently. Another thing that has been going on that I haven't mentioned is that I have struggled since the spring with breathing. I have never been allergy sufferer but there is definitely something in the air that is aggravating my respiratory system. One run prior to our vacation, I struggled all the way through it and had to stop many time to walk simply because I could not take a breath in. When I got home, Mr. Helen said I sounded like I was wheezing and about to get bronchitis.
Since then I have been using an inhaler about 15 minutes before I run and that has helped some, but not completely resolved the issue. It will be interesting to see if this clears up as Autumn arrives or if perhaps 14 years of smoking has finally caught up with me even though I quit 19 years ago (COPD is one my biggest fears).
And in the never-ending circle of a Catch-22, losing some weight would help running and Muay Thai not feel so darn hard, but losing weight means I need to cut out some of the stupid eating.
Charlie Hills of Back to the Fridge, had a thought-provoking post last week, Do You Want What You Want? that has been percolating in my brain ever since I read it. Possibly because I was saying that I wanted to be back on track yet that's not what I was doing at all. I think it's about time to figure this out. It's fine and dandy to run around spouting and blog, "I want to be a size 8," but when the actions don't match the words coming out of my mouth I have to question my want.
Do I really want what I want badly enough to actually act as if I do?