Monday, August 15, 2011

"We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled..."

Life is the interruptions.  Or as I was constantly told when I worked as a church secretary, the interruptions are the job.

Let me explain.  On several days last week when I had completely planned and tracked my food for excellent eating, I was thrown the following grenades:
  • I arrived home one evening to find a package with 6 cupcakes in my fridge. From my favorite cupcake place - the one who made my birthday cupcakes.  It was Mr. Helen trying to be nice and as I told Shelley, to him, cutting back means not more than one cupcake per day.
  • My 'new' boss (the son of my old boss) asked me out for lunch. He's never, ever, EVER done that before.  As I feel like I'm hanging on to my job by a very thin strand, I felt I should go.  I tried to pick the best I could but still it wasn't as good as my planned lunch. At least the cupcakes were gone when I got home... but then after getting dinner in the oven as I sat down to enjoy some iced tea and read the paper, Mr. Helen came into the room and handed me a cold frosty Cosmopolitan (it had been in the freezer, left over from my Saturday night martini). 
  • Arrived home to my sweet smiling adorable nephew saying, Auntie Helen, we bought you a cupcake!  Yes, another one and it was Red Velvet from that same place, in case you're interested.
All of that just makes me want to heave a big old sigh, even now as I type it.  If nothing else I learned once again that we all have to figure out a way to dodge the grenades.  Sometimes I do well, sometimes not so much.  On the days when it's not so much I'm trying very hard to forgive myself and not let everything go to hell in a handbasket.  Even with an unexpected lunch or cupcake or Cosmo thrown in the mix, I need to learn how to adjust and/or say "no thank you" (although I have to admit it would be hard to say no to that little boy.)

I know part of the roadblock for me is that I tend to be an all or nothing sort of gal, which in my case means if there is not perfection in the performance, I see NONE of the good.  This of course is just ridiculous and at 51 years old I need to cut that crap out.  I'm not only talking about eating here.  Unfortunately this trait flows into too many areas of my life.

I think it's one of the reasons that I admire bloggers like Lori and Fran who state the facts and move on, adjusting whatever is necessary. (If you don't believe me check out their month end/new month posts.) Me?  I'd be wallowing in my mud puddle of failure until someone told me to snap out it.  I also admire Shelley, who kicks, fights and screams her way into situations and will start off talking about how much she stinks at something but who then digs in, stays with it, and buys herself a reward for that stick-to-it-iveness.  Me?  I don't think I've ever rewarded myself for much of anything, because whatever I've done has never been quite good enough.  Maybe I need to start?

When I originally started this blog I wanted to get below 180 lbs. by my 50th birthday.  That didn't happen.  That sort of sucked, but I lived with it.  This blog is coming up on its two year birthday in September and other than some brief forays into the 170s, I have suceeded in bouncing right back up and so, still, it hasn't happened.  Part of that is, of course, the various roadblocks that have been in my life - injuries, illness, parental issues, death, and also multiple instances like those mentioned at the beginning of this post.

Yet, while I don't talk about it much on the blog (Shelley is sick of me talking about it, I think), I do have some long and short term goals I'd like to make and I need to buckle down and figure out how to reach them.  Perhaps putting them out there will help me maneuver around the roadblocks once and for all.  I know I have a piss poor track record, but at least I should keep on trying, right?
  • My driver's license has to renew by my birthday in 2012 (March 2).  I want my face to look thinner in the photo (this would require as little as 10 lbs. of weight loss).
  • My 20th wedding anniversary is May 2, 2012.  We are talking about taking an extended trip to St. Martin.  Is it wrong for me to want to weigh what I did on my wedding day whether we go to St. Martin or not?  Why no, no it's not. That's about 8 1/2 months from now and it would require me to lose 30ish lbs. in that time frame.  My recent track record says it's not doable.  But I'm making it a goal.
  • In July of 2012, if we have the money to go, we will attend Mr. Helen's family bi-annual reunion.  It's going to be a big one - in Hot-lanta!  You know I'd love to look and feel fab for that.
  • In January of 2013, if I stay on track, I will be starting cycles to get my black belt in Muay Thai.  These are difficult, hard special classes that I will have to take in addition to my regular classes for several months.  They will, for a fact, be easier if I can get my rear in gear, and in better shape.
  • If I pass all the pre-tests in cycles I will actually test for the black belt in May of 2013.  Again, much easier if I'm physically lighter.
So there you have it.  The stuff that's swirling around in my brain. As you can see they are sort of loose goals and I'm still wishy washy on commitment to them.  Yet, they are goals I want and (truthfully) need to make both short term and long term.  Maybe, just maybe, this time I will.


  1. You know something, one thing you've often said to me when I screw up is "don't be so hard on yourself".

    I'm a perfectionist too and it's a hard road to travel. Always beating ourselves up for even a minor infraction of our ridiculously high standards we set for ourselves in the eating department.

    Like you said, we both need to cut that crap out. :)

    Great goals, great attitude.

  2. I left here and went to Carla's (MizFit) post today. If you haven't read it yet, go read it now. It's about perfection. :)

  3. One thing about blogging...if I am not TRULY progressing, it's obvious by looking back at my track record. If not, well.... Now THAT'S a reality check. I need to quit satisfying myself with "trying so hard" and get serious about why those efforts aren't getting me where I want to go.

  4. I don't think these are loose goals, they all have a date so you know what you are working towards too, besides that I think they are all worthy goals to work for too.

    I may be adjusting my goals in the exercise department but as you may have noticed it's very quiet about the weight loss department :) because I'm not moving anywhere and don't have the patience and motivation to do much about it. I still hope all this working out helps me lose weight which is an utopia because I didn't lose the last time I ran a lot. I kind of said I want to be at goal weight by the end of this year but how it goes now, that's not going to happen. Time to rethink and adjust LOL.

    Helen I would make a plan. Pick a date when you want to reach a certain weight and plan how much you have to lose for that in a month. Make it an easy plan so there will be room for that unexpected lunch, those cupcakes and that Cosmopolitan. Because you and I are alike: we love food and we need to treat ourselves with something good every now and then.

  5. I think those are great, solid goals. And now that youv'e announced them you have a whole blogger community to support you along the way.

    One thing that has helped me isasking myself if something is worth the price before I indulge. (it doesn't always work though.) Is pizza worth not fitting into my clothes? Is that extra large fishbowl margarita worth putting off my goal? Sometimes the answer is yes but usually it's no. I believe in you. You can do this!

    And for what it's worth, I really do think you look great right now but I do understand the desire to lose more and be the best that you can be.
    Thanks again for answering my questions Friday. :)

  6. Great Goals Helen!!!! We're here supporting you all the way. Have a great Monday!

  7. My mom has been a church secretary for the church that I grew up in, for about 10 years. She is always working on something, as there is always something going on! Ditto on the goals!

  8. Oh you silly goose, I am NOT sick of hearing you talk about anything! I do find it interesting that you don't feel like you deserve a reward, especially for all of your amazing accomplishments in the workout department. Damn woman, you have done so much - give yourself some credit (and perhaps a new necklace, t-shirt, cool pair of get the drift)!

    Also, life is too short to not enjoy happy interruptions like cupcakes - even if that means you have to let go of the "all or nothing" mindset. That is a tough one to conquer, but I know you can do it. Just as I know you can reach the goals you listed - and also, know that I am behind you all the way!

  9. I think your goals are fine. The real key is to see the *progress* that you make when the time is reached. So if you don't lose 30 pounds, but lose 20 - make sure you congratulate yourself for that. Progress is just that, progression - not all or nothing. :D

  10. 20 years for us is in a few weeks (9/1)(we were married 9/1/91, cool number).
    We joke every year about re-newing the warranty. That's my goal, to feel good about that renewal. Sure, weighing my 1991 weight would be swell, but it ain't going to happen now. I would just like to be healthy, happy and quit the self-beatings.

  11. have you ever heard the saying 'inch by inch it's a cinch''s a good quote...
    But I would say (Gor, can't believe I am doing this to a woman who could concievably kick my @ss seeing as how I can only lift a lousy 10 lbs with my shoulders) that those things seem more like maybe ideas than goals...a goal has steps that make the idea a reality...
    So, take your 30 lbs lost idea...
    Great idea...
    now, what steps would you have to take to get there...maybe calorie cap, and a goal of exercise calories burned daily?
    so 30 lbs... 105,000 calories.....
    8 months= avg. 240 days...meaning...You would need to have a calorie deficit of around 438 calories per day to achieve your weight loss goals....So for a 180 lb woman that would involve EITHER eating 1300 calories...burning those calories through exercise and eating 1800 a day or eating 1550 and burning 250 a day. You could enlist your entire family...filling them in on your goal so you won't be blindsided by cupcakes and alcohol...
    hang a calendar and mark off the days.
    Plan for one or two higher calorie days in there.
    I totally think it's doable. As is everything else on your list.
    You have a very loving husband btw! congratulations.
    Hang in there Helen.
    And Good luck with your goals.

  12. I don't think any of these goals are impossible to meet. I think if these are things you want that you are more than capable of achieving them, if you do what you need to make them happen. You can do it!

  13. (thank you diana)
    I worry sometimes I go too far the other way and am too too kind and gentle to myself.

    there's never a happy medium huh?

    one day at a time.
    one moment at a time and you CAN achieve these.