Let me explain. On several days last week when I had completely planned and tracked my food for excellent eating, I was thrown the following grenades:
- I arrived home one evening to find a package with 6 cupcakes in my fridge. From my favorite cupcake place - the one who made my birthday cupcakes. It was Mr. Helen trying to be nice and as I told Shelley, to him, cutting back means not more than one cupcake per day.
- My 'new' boss (the son of my old boss) asked me out for lunch. He's never, ever, EVER done that before. As I feel like I'm hanging on to my job by a very thin strand, I felt I should go. I tried to pick the best I could but still it wasn't as good as my planned lunch. At least the cupcakes were gone when I got home... but then after getting dinner in the oven as I sat down to enjoy some iced tea and read the paper, Mr. Helen came into the room and handed me a cold frosty Cosmopolitan (it had been in the freezer, left over from my Saturday night martini).
- Arrived home to my sweet smiling adorable nephew saying, Auntie Helen, we bought you a cupcake! Yes, another one and it was Red Velvet from that same place, in case you're interested.
I know part of the roadblock for me is that I tend to be an all or nothing sort of gal, which in my case means if there is not perfection in the performance, I see NONE of the good. This of course is just ridiculous and at 51 years old I need to cut that crap out. I'm not only talking about eating here. Unfortunately this trait flows into too many areas of my life.
I think it's one of the reasons that I admire bloggers like Lori and Fran who state the facts and move on, adjusting whatever is necessary. (If you don't believe me check out their month end/new month posts.) Me? I'd be wallowing in my mud puddle of failure until someone told me to snap out it. I also admire Shelley, who kicks, fights and screams her way into situations and will start off talking about how much she stinks at something but who then digs in, stays with it, and buys herself a reward for that stick-to-it-iveness. Me? I don't think I've ever rewarded myself for much of anything, because whatever I've done has never been quite good enough. Maybe I need to start?
When I originally started this blog I wanted to get below 180 lbs. by my 50th birthday. That didn't happen. That sort of sucked, but I lived with it. This blog is coming up on its two year birthday in September and other than some brief forays into the 170s, I have suceeded in bouncing right back up and so, still, it hasn't happened. Part of that is, of course, the various roadblocks that have been in my life - injuries, illness, parental issues, death, and also multiple instances like those mentioned at the beginning of this post.
Yet, while I don't talk about it much on the blog (Shelley is sick of me talking about it, I think), I do have some long and short term goals I'd like to make and I need to buckle down and figure out how to reach them. Perhaps putting them out there will help me maneuver around the roadblocks once and for all. I know I have a piss poor track record, but at least I should keep on trying, right?
- My driver's license has to renew by my birthday in 2012 (March 2). I want my face to look thinner in the photo (this would require as little as 10 lbs. of weight loss).
- My 20th wedding anniversary is May 2, 2012. We are talking about taking an extended trip to St. Martin. Is it wrong for me to want to weigh what I did on my wedding day whether we go to St. Martin or not? Why no, no it's not. That's about 8 1/2 months from now and it would require me to lose 30ish lbs. in that time frame. My recent track record says it's not doable. But I'm making it a goal.
- In July of 2012, if we have the money to go, we will attend Mr. Helen's family bi-annual reunion. It's going to be a big one - in Hot-lanta! You know I'd love to look and feel fab for that.
- In January of 2013, if I stay on track, I will be starting cycles to get my black belt in Muay Thai. These are
difficult, hardspecial classes that I will have to take in addition to my regular classes for several months. They will, for a fact, be easier if I can get my rear in gear, and in better shape.
- If I pass all the pre-tests in cycles I will actually test for the black belt in May of 2013. Again, much easier if I'm physically lighter.