Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I feel so stuck and lost right now – a strong feeling of being unfocused and in limbo. This month of waiting to go to the specialist is working my nerves for sure. While I know it does me absolutely no good to sit and worry about it, sometimes my mind just goes there. And, of course, I am impatient too. I want to be there and find out what they are going to do with me so I can get on with things. Get unstuck.
As I tend to be a very careful planner, goal setter and schedule oriented person, it is hard for me to just wait. I know there’s going to be a plan and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t figure out what the plan could possibly be so I can get a jump start on it instead of waiting out another entire month.
Even Dr. Google (as my boss calls it) is not helping. I do have some knowledge as to why I have to go to this specialist but all the Googling in the world is not getting me much more information than I already have in hand. Plus the good doctor is making me quite worried that the end result of this is medication. I do not want to take any more pills! No more pills!
So, here I sit: unable to set goals, start a program, or do anything more than exactly what I’m doing right now and having to learn to live with that. Stuck in a rut, rut, rut.
As I watched Biggest Loser this week I kept thinking so much of what was being said must have resonated with many people. Other things said felt like they were aimed directly at me. I try not to take it personally per se but rather to take it as empowerment for the upcoming week.
The whole episode seemed to be themed around overcoming obstacles – no matter what they are. We all have them and it seems that real and final success comes from getting around them.
Bob gave his team a pep talk in regards to their nutrition – because he knows no matter how much you exercise, eventually you have to deal with the nutrition side. I can vouch for that because there have definitely been times in my life where I out-ate my exercise. What was so fascinating to me was when he told them that foods that they love wouldn’t be forbidden if they took the food’s power away. In other words, if you know you can eat anything, there’s no reason to sneak food, be it in a vehicle that you’ve taken through a drive-through, or be it right from your pantry while you’ve waited for the household to be gone or go to sleep. When you take the power away, there’s nothing left. If you know you can occasionally have a burger or a pizza or whatever it is that you love, why would you care to hide the fact that you’re eating it? It simply doesn’t matter.
Then my new boyfriend, Dolvett worked with a contestant on overcoming her mental obstacles so that she would stop quitting. (Side note: he might possibly be the only man on earth – that can make capris on a man look good… okay maybe Bob too and did you see Bob’s chesticles region during the pool session? Holy carp.) When I started doing distance running, overcoming mental negativity really was the first lesson I learned. The fact is, at mile 22 of a marathon, your left brain will kick in and try to get you to quit. It will point out all your aches and pains and give you a list of the reasons why you shouldn’t finish. The ONLY thing that pulls one through at that time, is exercising the right side of your brain to shut that down. I always did it by using my running mantra, “Just Keep Running” because I knew if I just kept running, the finish line would be in sight.
I was really struck by this because I have not yet been able to kick in that same way when it comes to health and wellness. I’m not talking about being on track for a while. I’m talking about staying on course when the going gets tough – like it is for me right now. I’m most certainly not doing as well as I could because the truth is, I’m tired. I’ve been fighting my thyroid, and now evidently there are other factors, for 5 years. I lost some weight but never quite made it to goal. I’m really tired. Instead of using my running training, I have stopped and started and stopped and started until I am now like a dog chasing its tail in a circle. Never ending.
My lesson learned this week is that I have to find a way to see the forest for the trees, the light at the end of the tunnel and Just Keep Running around those mental blocks.