Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Obstacle Course

I feel so stuck and lost right now – a strong feeling of being unfocused and in limbo.  This month of waiting to go to the specialist is working my nerves for sure.  While I know it does me absolutely no good to sit and worry about it, sometimes my mind just goes there.  And, of course, I am impatient too.  I want to be there and find out what they are going to do with me so I can get on with things.  Get unstuck.

As I tend to be a very careful planner, goal setter and schedule oriented person, it is hard for me to just wait.  I know there’s going to be a plan and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t figure out what the plan could possibly be so I can get a jump start on it instead of waiting out another entire month.

Even Dr. Google (as my boss calls it) is not helping.  I do have some knowledge as to why I have to go to this specialist but all the Googling in the world is not getting me much more information than I already have in hand.  Plus the good doctor is making me quite worried that the end result of this is medication.  I do not want to take any more pills!  No more pills!

So, here I sit:  unable to set goals, start a program, or do anything more than exactly what I’m doing right now and having to learn to live with that.  Stuck in a rut, rut, rut.

As I watched Biggest Loser this week I kept thinking so much of what was being said must have resonated with many people.  Other things said felt like they were aimed directly at me.  I try not to take it personally per se but rather to take it as empowerment for the upcoming week.

The whole episode seemed to be themed around overcoming obstacles – no matter what they are.  We all have them and it seems that real and final success comes from getting around them.

Bob gave his team a  pep talk in regards to their nutrition – because he knows no matter how much you exercise, eventually you have to deal with the nutrition side.  I can vouch for that because there have definitely been times in my life where I out-ate my exercise.  What was so fascinating to me was when he told them that foods that they love wouldn’t be forbidden if they took the food’s power away.  In other words, if you know you can eat anything, there’s no reason to sneak food, be it in a vehicle that you’ve taken through a drive-through, or be it right from your pantry while you’ve waited for the household to be gone or go to sleep.  When you take the power away, there’s nothing left.  If you know you can occasionally have a burger or a pizza or whatever it is that you love, why would you care to hide the fact that you’re eating it? It simply doesn’t matter.

Then my new boyfriend, Dolvett worked with a contestant on overcoming her mental obstacles so that she would stop quitting.  (Side note: he might possibly be the only man on earth –  that can make capris on a man look good… okay maybe Bob too and did you see Bob’s chesticles region during the pool session?  Holy carp.) When I started doing distance running, overcoming mental negativity really was the first lesson I learned.  The fact is, at mile 22 of a marathon, your left brain will kick in and try to get you to quit.  It will point out all your aches and pains and give you a list of the reasons why you shouldn’t finish.  The ONLY thing that pulls one through at that time, is exercising the right side of your brain to shut that down.  I always did it by using my running mantra, “Just Keep Running” because I knew if I just kept running, the finish line would be in sight.   

I was really struck by this because I have not yet been able to kick in that same way when it comes to health and wellness.  I’m not talking about being on track for a while.  I’m talking about staying on course when the going gets tough – like it is for me right now.  I’m most certainly not doing as well as I could because the truth is, I’m tired.  I’ve been fighting my thyroid, and now evidently there are other factors, for 5 years.  I lost some weight but never quite made it to goal.  I’m really tired.  Instead of using my running training, I have stopped and started and stopped and started until I am now like a dog chasing its tail in a circle.  Never ending.

My lesson learned this week is that I have to find a way to see the forest for the trees, the light at the end of the tunnel and Just Keep Running around those mental blocks.


  1. First your posts are always so interesting and got so many "yes" moments for me in them.

    I can totally understand your frustration with the waiting. We are the same in this, I would be frustrated too if I couldn't plan things or set gooals.

    As for the healthy eating, I'm no help here, it's the one area I keep struggling in and still haven't found the perfect plan or motivation to tackle the overweight once and for all.

    Just keep running Helen, just keep running.

  2. Being in a state of limbo, which is exactly where you are, is hard. But at least you have an end point - well, a beginning, really - with your scheduled that visit, everything will become clean, your plan will be set, and you can finally DO SOMETHING (yes, I stole that from Debby), which is so much better than having to sit and wait. Because even if that something is difficult, at least it will propel you forward, and that's so much better than this roundabout. Hang in there - the end (and beginning) is near!

  3. *clear* not clean. I really should proofread BEFORE hitting post!

  4. I hope I didn't erase BL because there were a few lines that really shook me - I know its hard to wait - my daughter is a planner so I can relate somewhat.

    Just wanted to send big hugs your way and hope this comment sticks! :D

  5. Helen, I think sometimes you are too hard on yourself. It doesn't seem to me you have stopped and started your running program. Didn't you tell us a few posts ago that you were averaging 20-25 miles a week? You've had some injuries that stopped you for a while. But the fact that you can get out and run five miles seems to me that you are A RUNNER!!

    The nutrition part? Ack, we're all a work in progress on that one.

  6. Thanks for the recap of the BL show.

    I think perhaps I should be watching it as I found your post to be so informative.

    I have at times out eaten by exercise too! But then I have to be grateful that I was exercising at the time or the results would have been even worse!

    This entire weight, exercise, being fit and healthy is a challenge. When the body refuses to cooperate or genetics derail our efforts it is very frustrating. I feel your pain.

  7. Helen - I think you need to just be present in the here and now for a bit until your appointment. Maybe the annoyance you feel of not being able to plan is telling you to stop and look at where you are, where you have come from, and what you can do to enjoy today,to make this moment a time to do something good for yourself be it a massage, reading a book, going for a run, or sitting and talking with Mr. Helen.

  8. Tis hard to keep at it without the results.
    Now, as for Dolvett; I'll flip you for him. Hey, you already have a hot black man in your house :)
    I also noticed Bob's chesticles and was muy impressed

  9. Hang in there, Helen. I know the waiting is hard. Sending you hugs and good vibes :)

    And I love what Bob said! Couldn't agree more!

  10. Waiting IS hard.... but sometimes I think that's what it's all about.. Half the time we spend on our journey is just waiting! Hope you'll find something good to keep your mind busy... and keep it from being anxious about the future!
    If we Bloggers have learned anything from each other, it's that we CAN do hard things!
    :) a smile for you!

  11. Tom Petty said it well in song "The Waiting is the Hardest Part". (now, I may have that song in my mind all day) Hang in there Helen, sending a hug your way.