Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear Anonymous,

Dear Anonymous Emailer (you know who you are):

I tried to respond to the email you sent but it bounced back as "unknown."  Maybe I should be flattered that you created that email address just to send one email to me. Or maybe I should just call you out for the troll you probably are.  In any case, I want to write you back so I thought I'd respond here.  You say you won’t read my blog again, which is fine, but I suspect you will lurk because something about me is driving you crazy. 

Yes indeed, I had a great checkup at the doctor and was pleased with my results.  But the fact remains that I have a long way to go.  Contrary to what you think, I am not a perfect eater or exerciser and I’m certainly not the “Perfect Prissy Princess” you said I am.

As we all do, I have some particular personality traits and characteristics that cause me to live and act the way I do.  Years ago Mr. Helen and I took a marriage enrichment class and part of the class was to have a personality test called the DISC assessment.  The DISC assessment grid looks like this:

At the end of the test I was told what I’ve known about myself all along:  I tested as a very high D. So high I fact that the instructor said only a very small percentage of the population tests the way I did.  A high D is defined as:

Very active in dealing with problems and challenges, High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering.

If you are so inclined, you can read a bullet list of my characteristics here.

The other small percentage of my personality tested as a C (read here) which is defined as someone who adheres to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. "C" people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, and tactful. 

As you can see from the grid, I am not a people person; I am 100% a task person.  Each time I am faced with something that I can approach as a task to be finished, I tend to excel because I hammer away at it.  These personality characteristics mean my soul thrives on that sort of stuff. 

I don’t need much socialization nor do I have many friends. That’s also a “D” personality trait – we tend to have very, very few people we trust and consider true friends.  It’s probably telling that one of the people I consider to be a good friend is literally a virtual friend, someone I have never met in real life. I’ve held many jobs where I am by myself in an office all day long and I’m fine with that.  I’m actually not sure what I would do if I suddenly found myself working with a group of people all the time. 

I have such a teeny bit of the C personality I can tell you for a fact that I did not inherit the diplomatic and tactful traits.  I am a say what I think person – don’t ask me for my opinion unless you really want it and are willing to hear whatever I have to say.  The one thing I've learned to do (most of the time) as I’ve matured is to not speak right away.  I’m not sure if that means that I've absorbed some of Mr. Helen’s people person traits (and my personality has shifted a bit towards I/S) and care what others might think,  or if I just don’t want to deal with the backlash I might get if I speak too quickly.

So, this weight loss business and exercise are a task for me. While some people find it hard to get in their exercise, I view it as a task to be done – it’s a daily appointment that I rarely consider breaking.  Everyday I have an appointment to exercise and I keep it.  Then I can check it off my task list. Your snide remark in the email about how I “think I’m all that – all athletic and stuff” is your opinion of me, but it is not my opinion of myself, nor is it true.   I am so not athletic and  I am quite sure if you met me in person you would be astonished by the amount of fat and rolls and wrinkles I have.  It's true:  many, many times I've gotten the "YOU are a a runner?!" exclamation from others. 

I’ve been working at my overall task of getting back to pre-thyroid weight for many years and have never managed to complete it. One reason is the medical issue, but the bigger reason is that I am not perfect at all.  I have my temptations, slips, and complete spirals downward just like anyone else.

When I’m tired, I want to eat even if I’m not hungry.  Sometimes I want to eat because I am stressed to the max, or simply because something looks good, or smells good – and if it tastes really good then I often want to overeat. Sometimes I have two martinis on Saturday instead of just the one I plan for.  Sometimes I take an extra handful of nuts but don't count them.  Yes, lots of times I am able to set that aside, but believe me I’ve had my days when I’ve eaten an entire (fill in the blank) and hated myself for it afterwards.

Blogging is a funny thing because people who read think they really know you but the truth is, they really only know what you choose to write about.  Just because I am trying to reinforce the positive within myself and don’t write about every downfall I have, doesn’t mean at all that I’m trying to present myself as perfect, because I’m not and I know it.  

Maybe you'll be glad to know your email made me cry and want to stop blogging.  Who knows, maybe I still will.  Would that satisfying your trolling soul?
No, I’ll take that back. I'm not going to let your cowardice stop me. Also, you should know that I am perfect at one thing: being me.

Helen, the "Perfectly" flawed human


  1. Ha! I think we might share an Anonymous hater.

    1. Hi Helen,

      I just came back to my blog after a long period and happened to see the title of your post in my blog roll and had to read it. While I'm like your other followers and don't understand the drama some unknown person would want to stir up, I wanted you to know that I like you ... I like your spunk! Your one post made me see some things about myself that I want to delve into and that may help me get over one of those humps in figuring out which way to turn. Just flick that fly away and continue doing what you need to do. I'll be reading and waiting for more.


  2. Helen, don't let the turkeys get you down. You are the Perfect Helen and don't let anyone else try to convince you otherwise.

  3. Oh Helen, my sweet lady, you are a very dear and lovely person. You are perfect in my eyes. I love your blog, I love the person I've read about all these years. I feel like I know you. Even though I've never met you in real life, I know I'd love you in real life too. You're honest, wise, sweet, witty, funny, smart and beautiful. You have a lot to offer the rest of us. I often think, I wish I was more like Helen. I admire you.

    About the anonymous troll, I have a theory about those people. They are boring, stupid little people. They don't have a life. They are self-centered and egotistical. They can't stand to see anyone succeed at anything because they're a failure at everything. I ignore them. We have that wonderful delete button for comments. Delete them. Forget them. They are not worth your precious time. :)

    Love you Helen!

  4. It is always incredible to me that there are people out there who are so unhappy with themselves that they find it necessary to tear down others. You are perfect just the way you are and just the way you were intended to be. What really gripes this troll is that your warm personality shines through--even in your blog--and many people like you, Helen, even though they have never met you in person. Have a great weekend and don't give this a second thought.

  5. I'm so sorry that a negative, cowardly person got to you like that - I'd bet you anything that the troll who fires off such a nasty email would NEVER have the guts to say anything to your face...and even though it's hard, I know, to dismiss and ignore them, that's exactly what you have to do.

    I'm glad you are blogging, I'm glad we are friends, I'm glad you're you. Don't stop any of those things!

    Hugs and love.

  6. What?! I am continually astonished at how people think posting anonymously hides who they are. It doesn't; their small, vindictive personalities comes across loud and clear.

    You GO, Helen. Don't let idiots like this slow you down. You've got an appointment to keep! :)

  7. Way to fight back Helen - anonymous is just an asshole who likes to hide behind "anonymous." You are right, our blogs reflect our words and actions for what we want to share.

    I could go into much greater detail about my husband being sick, how he doesn't get unemployment anymore, and how I have to watch every penny and that I go to night wondering if it will ever get better.

    But my blog is my happy place, and in the end I am happy, but everyone has problems.

    So glad you responded to anonymous, don't let that stupid person put you down. You are awesome, beautiful and a fighter! No one can ever tell you otherwise. :D

  8. This person who didn't have the guts to confront you in person or even leave her/his name at the end of the email: it says more about that person than about you. I think he/she is a coward who probably has his/her own problems he/she can't deal with.

    I'm sorry this person got to you because honestly every tear you spilled on this person was not worth it.

    The way I know you is that you are honest, hard working for your goals, funny and sweet and I'm glad I can read your blog and that you read mine.

    I love the sentence that you write from your positive point of view instead of writing down every downfall because I'm like you. Sometimes I do write about my struggles but most of the time I keep them to myself and try to work them out on my own. Reading what a D person is, I think I have a lot of those characteristics too.

    Helen, please don't stop blogging. As you can read in the other comments: we love you all!

  9. Wow - I can't believe anyone would email you that way. Troll nothing - that's a shithead if I ever heard one. It tells me that anyone can be the object of a cyber bully and a$$hole.

    You rock, and I'm going to email you about some Paleo stuff. I've been reading back over your recent months to find recipes, ideas, etc., but a few questions have popped up for me, and I'm too cheap to buy the Paleo Solution book. I did check a cookbout out of the library that has some good stuff that I'll post about later.

    I'm glad you told the troll to go suck an egg (essentially). And I wish I had more of that task-oriented personality aspect!

    1. I love how Leslie will spell out shithead but not asshole...made me laugh!

  10. I love this post because it really helps us know you better. And even though I know you in person (even though I haven't actually seen you in quite a while), I feel like I have a much better understanding of who you are based on what you wrote. And I very much appreciate who you are. Thanks Helen :-)

  11. Wow, Helen, this made me cry. I really can't understand why anyone would write such a thing to you. You've written honestly about your struggles for so long, and now to have this success and be happy about it, how could anyone NOT celebrate along with you? Then I read Leslie's comment and it made me laugh a little (not a troll, a shithead)

    I'm glad you shared about that personality test--it makes me feel like I know you even better. I took it too--not sure what I was, but it was different than you but still more task than people oriented. Now I'll have to go check it out!

    And I love your last line so much. In one of my blogs I was going to end with Miss Celie's quote from the color purple "I may be _____, but I'm still me!" You rock at being you, Helen, and part of who you are is a SUPER-ATHLETE!! There, I was going to stop saying that, but I couldn't help myself one last time!!! xxoo

  12. I'm beginning to get quite disheartened by the blog world, Helen. Unfortunately, I am seeing more and more posts like yours of bloggers having to defend themselves to their readers and readers leaving nasty/insulting comments. I just don't understand it. And it makes me sad. In general, the blogging community is supportive, but there seem to be many more "comment attacks" than I've seen in the 3+ years I've been blogging. Kudos to you for firing back. Not that you needed to explain yourself (hell, it's YOUR blog -you can write what you want!), but it was a neat way to get to know you better :)Go, "D" lady, Go!!!!
    Hope this jerk wasn't what added to your bad day (on FB!) :(

  13. Wait, ....... OMG...... Are you kidding!!!! My world is crashing..... You aren't perfect!!!!


    Give me a break!!! We all screw up. haters suck

    Chicken sh@t haters who send anomymous emails suck BIG time

    Don't stop blogging, most of us are supportive, and there have been times, I have simply stopped following someone or stopped reading them because I didn't agree with their methods, but sending hate is really vile and I believe in Karma

    So they will get theirs

    ...... Stepping off my soap box......

  14. Oh {{Helen}}, I'm saddened that you received an email of that sort. This person truly does not know you and although the rest of us only know what you let us know, you are perfect in my eyes. I wish I could meet you in person, I know we would get along fabulously.
    There seems to be a lot of negativity out there in blogland lately and unfortunately it affects the recipient deeply. I know I would take it personally although the first thing I want to say to you is to not take it that way. But it's hard to take any other way ..... darn it!
    Do not stop blogging, this is your place, you have a lot of virtual friends who love getting to know you better. Love reading about your adventures. Love reading about what you were doing yesterday, today and into the future.
    Mr/Ms. anonymous is afraid of something and lashing out at you because they are insecure/jealous of your success. Glad you told them off..

  15. Yes, you are the perfect you.

    So sorry you were afflicted by a coward. At least if they had an issue they could have signed their name and allowed conversation.

    I don't understand people sometimes.

    Have a better day!


  16. “Perfect Prissy Princess”
    Lol.. that made me laugh.

    Interesting post though, made me realize our personalities are similar. Glad you're not going to stop blogging but sad that it made you cry. It is unfortunate that there are people like anon out there who have so many issues that it makes them feel superior to bad mouth others. They are cowards and should be treated with contempt and some pity for their pathetic lives.

  17. HI Helen
    I am so glad you answer your email via the blog now this numskull will see just how inspriational and well loved you are. People like that really do my head in - they are jealous sabbotagers and if she/he does not like you blog HELLO don't read it. How hard is that to work out. I am so cross about people who try to deflate and hurt others, we have enough wars going on. silly person.
    My words are you go girl I am an avid follower from New Zealand and this weekend I made your pecan pie muffins....thank you and please continue Dianne

  18. WOW! What a great way to address the troll Helen. There has been a lot of this going around lately - maybe it's the same person hitting a certain part of the healthy living blog sphere and they get their jollies from doing this. It's always so interesting that they have to do it anonymously - that is very telling about their personality now itsn't it?

  19. Helen, I've been reading your blog for awhile and I don't think I've ever commented, but I felt compelled to do so today. I love reading your blog, and in fact, look forward to doing so. I can only imagine how those comments made you feel, but please don't let the haters win. You have so many others out there who love reading about you. Proud to sign my name - Shonda.

  20. I had a troll once. It had blue hair. But it never made me cry. I suggest you get a troll like that. They have a really positive attitude and their hands and arms are too stiff to send emails.
    Once I had another kind of troll who sent me an email from the UK. I was so surprised that someone cared enough to contact me and say things when they really have no idea who I am. So I ignored the person and deleted their contact, I think. I can't remember. But they said I was self-centered and who really wanted to hear about me anyway, yet here they were reading my crap. What does that say about a person? (not me) I mean, I always figure I am 100% responsible for what I read. If I don't like it, I can leave. And if I'm an asshole...well, I'll just leave that alone. ;-)

  21. Trolls happen. I wish I could say, "Don't let it bother you" but it would bother me too. People that troll seem to be so unhappy with their own lives that they like to pick on others. They're cyber bullies.
    Keep doing what you're doing. There are waaaayyyyy more people who enjoy you're blog than there are trolls lurking about.


  22. I hope you don't ever let someone bully you into giving up this blog. I enjoy it so much!

  23. There are a lot of unbalanced people in this world. Believe me. I KNOW. You're not one of them. I love your blog and I am constantly amazed that people would take the time to send emails like that. It's just plain upsetting. Shake it off. You know that person isn't worth the energy spent worrying about it.

  24. WHAT???? HUH???? WTF!??? (yup, that was a profanity) I am SOOO sorry that you were subjected to this Helen. You are NOTHING but honest, inspirational, uplifting, fun and well spoken. THAT is why so many people (including me) LOVE your blog, and LOVE you!!!!!! Your rebuttle was perfect!!! Please dry your tears and don't stop blogging!!! If you left, you would be very, very missed!!!!! Take care!! (I may dream about THIS tonight!!! Hopefully no babies will be involved! ;) ) Hugs!

  25. lol, next time just tell them to suck it. Prissy is not a term I would apply to you. Even if you were prissy, which you aren't..sounds like someone has a stick up their @ss because they can't get it together. I would probably have amillion of these type of comments if I allowed anonymous commenters...I don't allow them. I think cowards hide behind the name anonymous. If you want to call me out, then have the balls to call me out..not sling mud from behind a rock. If anonymous would put as much time and effort into eating and exercising as they do into whining, b(tching and moaning..they might have lost some weight by far as I know, releasing oxygen through your piehole doesn't burn calories. Keep up the great work Helen.

  26. Wow - this is my first time commenting - I never knew they had a DISC assessment test! I know what I am - a "D" also! I work alone and love it, have few friends and can be deemed by others as controlling when in fact, i just want the darn thing done!!LOl!

    How horrid for someone to feel the need to say the things they said to you! Just want you to know, you brought tears to my eyes...for me, to know there are "others" like me out there, is a great comfort! (seriously, I'm going to have to look up this test!)

    Sometimes I feel weird for being the way I am (i've been told, to my face, how unsocial I am, and it's really not like that at all, I just don't see things they way they do. I don't get their jokes & have no interest in the things they talk about), anyhoo...I do have a hard time "fitting in", always have. So thank you!

  27. Trolls are fun, aren't they? We all collect one or two as time goes on. I don't mind people having a different opinion or disagreement with what I say. But, for the love of Pete - people need to own what they say and do it with the real name/email!

    Otherwise it just is petty. Never let an anonymous comment make you cry. It's not worth it. Any valid point someone could have had is lost by the cowardice and lets people be much more vicious. That's the whole thing, though, isn't it? Owning your own opinion. If you have to hide who you are because you are not man/woman enough to state your mind, then don't state it.

    You go on being yourself and blogging the way you want, which certainly isn't prissy!

  28. Another 'D personality' delurking because I can't believe that someone would write such shite if they'd read very much of your blog at all. Continue to rock on Helen! Away to giggle over the Perfect Prissy Princess comment, think that's just become my new nom de plume. It's seriously amusing me :-).

  29. Helen, I love reading your blog but don't usually have time to comment. Today I had to make an exception. I love your blog! I found you through Biz's blog (love her too!) and like the others really look forward to reading it. I feel like we could easily be friends in real life. And I've noticed that people are mean to others when they are jealous. So just say Thank You Troll and let it go. She's probably just extremely envious of how gorgeous you were in your Christmas party dress!

  30. Hi again Helen - I just tried to send you an email and it bounced back. I have the dukefan@ something or other. Can you let me know if you have a different one I can use? I think you have mine but in case : Thanks!

  31. Don't let the trolls get you down. I enjoy your blog.

  32. trolls suck...but likely just the usual jealous loser who can't do it on their own and want to tear down others.

    You should post their e-mail to you...I'd love to know what you were responding to.

    Regardless, miss D and C keep getting it done!

  33. I'm confused. Someone took the time to email you to be mean? Were they being FORCED to read your blog? Wow. They are very disturbed. Truly. That's a special kind of ass to take the time to do that. I love that you're trying all these awesome things to get fit-- you have no barriers to what you'll try. I adore you, Hottie Imaginary Friend.

  34. ahhh you know I get it.
    and Im applauding.

  35. lololol
    I laugh at Bullies...... now, that is!
    It takes a while to learn all about projection and perception and all that jazz.....
    but once we GET IT... it is ours to keep!

  36. So, I'm a little late to the party, but ditto what they said.
    Boo to the haters, that person is jealous.

  37. Where is the email?! I want to see it LOL Sorry it happens when you have a blog... I get all kinds of emails all the time, I simply ignore them and don't bother even responding.