This is the birthday volcano made for them: It's a stack of onion rings.
Oh, and to add insult to injury, they wanted to collect $200 from me up front. I told the woman no, I'd pay at time of service. Anything could happen and what if I didn't go. I swear to you I just want this to be over! All of it - the treatments, the tests, the insult to my wallet, and the injury itself are starting to feel like torture.