Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I'm a Little Worried

As usual with me and weight loss, I have reached a point where I feel like I'm literally grinding every single ounce off my body.  My brain panics and I have ridiculous thoughs like , "I should fast." "I should exercise THREE times a day!"  "I should just go see if I qualify for a lap band procedure."  running through my head. Not good!  I have a number that I set on January 1st as to where I wanted to be at by December 31st.  It sounded easy and doable at the time... now I'm worried.  I literally need to lose 1 pound every single week between now and then to make my goal, and we know that's not going to happen.  Which means I need some weeks where I lose 2 or even 3.  Possible but again, see the sentence above about grinding the weight off.  I'm pretty sure I don't have the patience Debby has displayed - and it plain makes me MAD to think that I might have to eat around 1000 calories a day to do this.  I feel like I've been trying to get this same weight off for 7 or 8 years (oh, that's right, I have...) and I'm tired, which makes it hard to get through the grind.  Yeah, I'm worried.

We had a couple of days at the beginning of the week last week where where pre-winter decided to visit.  Those same couple of days came back at the beginning of this week.  I mean pre-winter in that it got down to 42 degrees at night for a couple nights in a row. We have a natural gas furnace so we don't ever shut it down, we just turn the heat down.  After the first night when we woke up and the windchill was 37(!!) Mr. Helen decided that he'd push it up to 64 just in case.  Don't you know after the second night of cold, the heat kicked on with it set at 64.  I was mad and sad all at once.

I was talking with a co-worker about the craziness and we both agreed, it's not just the unexpected coolness, it's the darkness that seems to come so fast after August is over, that can make you a little stir crazy.  And once the sun sets this time of year, the temperatures drop fast.  Last Thursday when I went out to run - in the dark morning - it was 52 but with no humidity so it meant that I ran for the first time in long sleeves as that's pretty chilly.

Even Mr. Helen noticed how quiet I got over those few days and mentioned that he missed "Summer Helen."  I replied that I missed her too, but quietly, to myself, I was worried.

The last thing I want is to fall down the rabbit hole like I did last winter.  This year I've got no pressures of black belt tests or fractured feet so (fingers crossed) I should be able to continue exercising consistently which most definitely helps with my mood.

Yet still I worry that somehow my tolerance for short days, cold weather, and no sunshine has peaked. Last I checked I haven't won the PowerBall so no sunny winter residence for me yet.  Along with grinding this weight off, I'm beginning to have days where I feel an overwhelming sense of dread all day long. I need to figure this out before the real dog days of winter set in and I find myself spiraling out of control.

I'm trying really hard not to worry and to just take this one day at a time, but truth is, I'm a little worried.

19 comments:

  1. I can tell you not to worry but we both know you wouldn't worry if it was so easy. Do you have sun studio's? Is it an option to take a subscription for using a sunbed every week to get some "sunshine". I know people that suffer from Winter (depression) have benefits from it.

    I do think that you will reach or get very close to the number you set for yourself. You have been in such a good routine lately, you won't let Winter set you back.

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  2. Revise your goal to something that IS attainable. Then plan and make a solid commitment. It may not be your original goal, but better to be 75% or 80% close to it. Maybe a new final goal of Valentine's Day?

    Problem solving, planning, and eating food that keep me lean to burn fat rather than signal "store fat" all either keep me loosing or keep me the same. Those processes take time.

    It's okay to revise your goals- timelines, etc. Plan it, then 100% commit. The year I lost 72 pounds, I thought I would make my goal by Dec 2012. When I could see at the end of October 2011 that I would miss, I revised my dates by 2 months for Valentines of 2012.

    Take the "worry" energy and a pen and paper and turn that into planning. Be sure to evaluate if the steps of the plan are "effective" and change the plan if they are not.

    Good luck and problem solving/planning are key- IMO.

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    1. Ahh, that should be Dec 2011 !!! Anyhoo- it always takes me longer than I think. (must drink more coffee early in the AM)

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    2. I agree that being more flexible is a good thing. My goal was ultimately extremely attainable and I planned and have committed. But, my body has not been cooperative, which is why I start to feel tired of it all. I've not been able to let go though because I'm still overweight. Unfortunately, I've been revising my "goal" date for the last 7 years. It's time to put up or shut up.

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  3. You already gave yourself the best advice - take it one day at a time. I actually worked with a woman who had sun withdrawal and had to have a special lamp at night so she wouldn't get depressed.

    Yep, I was grilling in the dark at 7:15 last night - not cool! And I hope the numbers don't mess with your brain too much and you and I both know you need more than 1000 calories a day to keep up with the running you do - if you fall down the rabbit hole this winter I'll just have to jump in and pull you out! Hugs!

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  4. I suffer from winter depression too. My body needs and craves sunshine. I try to get 15 minutes a day of sun even in the winter but apparently it's important to expose your chest for it to be effective?!? I'm not talking topless but tank top or lower cut shirt :) As Fran suggested, trying one of those sun lamps or sun beds is a great idea.

    The exercise will help. Find something you love or something new to get yourself through the winter. Most importantly, don't let the fear control you. Acknowledge it, move on, and rise above it.

    Oh and you have us to cheer you on all winter!!!!!

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    1. That's interesting about the chest thing, I'd not heard that. One whole wall in my office is a huge window. The sun comes in for about 5-6 hours of my workday. Maybe I need to point my chest that way every few minutes LOL!

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  5. I'm not a doctor (a certified quack maybe), but I'd bet a trip to the grand canyon that you have a vitamin D deficiency. If you got the blood work done it would most likely show it. I'd rule out anything medical first and then buy a sun lamp.

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    1. I already take a large extra dose of Vitamin D Marc, but thanks for the thought!

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  6. I hate deadlines, which is why, when anything is under my control, there is no fixed goal date (also why it took me 18 months to lose 100 pounds, but the point is, I got there). I know everyone approached things differently, though, so if having a specific goal works for you, then work it...but maybe change the date instead of starving yourself?

    I noticed that it's dark earlier here, too - weird feeling to have to turn on the lights so early. Last night I turned them on and then thought "I should go to bed" - looked at the clock and it was only 7:40 pm!!! Oh winter. We all need to move to Florida for the winter!

    My other suggestion would be to find something new to focus on (KNITTING???) - it might keep your mind looking forward to that vs missing the warm summer days.

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    1. Oh dear Shelley, GMTA. I swear to you it was exactly 7:40 when I looked at the clock thinking it was bedtime. Sigh.

      If I don't make the date, I'm going to have two choices: change it, or be done with it. I think it's that if I just let it go and settle for whereever I am at the year's end, I'll feel like I let my thyroid beat me and that I've failed.

      What I should do is learn to crochet as I noticed this morning that my grandmother's blanket is starting to unravel :)

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  7. I get the worry.
    I WONT tell you not to worry.
    I WILL REMIND YOU WE ARE ALL HERE TO LOVINGLY NUDGE AND NAG YOU.

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  8. Maybe another trip to the Grand Canyon is in order. You could get lots of sun and lots of exercise. (I know that's probably not possible, but it's a thought.) I love winter here (except I wish we had more) -- we have way too much heat and sunshine most of the time and it gets difficult to cope with in another way.

    I just hate to see you so down and worried. Maybe choose a different mix of nutrients -- more protein, less carbs, etc. I say just do all you can reasonably do and know there is nothing about that that is a failure.

    Have you ever done a liver cleanse? The thyroid hormone is processed in the liver and if it is not functioning up to par, you are not getting the full benefit of the hormone the thyroid gland is putting out. I am doing one recommended by my massage therapist -- 1/4 cup unsweetened cranberry juice, the juice of half a lemon and a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. It is pretty tart tasting, but not bad. I think I am feeling better -- more energy, etc.

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  9. Deadlines are never any good. You know - you have made progress this year. Look at all you have done. You hiked the Grand Canyon!!! Like you mentioned to me a few weeks ago, maybe the scale will just never say what you want it to and be joyous and happy with you as you are (were and will be).

    If you feel like you are falling in the rabbit hole, don't forget all of us there ready to pull you out.

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  10. We're here for you Helen!!! And supporting you and cheering you on every day!

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  12. I'm with Lori...celebrate what you have already accomplished!! It won't take away your will :-)

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