Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Tuesday Ten: Is It Wrong?

1.  Is it wrong that I don't want to self-examine all the time? I don't want to be in therapy or thinking all the time?  That I just want to be and do and exist without all that introspection?

2.  Is it wrong to think that the reason I overate wasn't because of any deep seated emotional thing that I need to explore, but simply because the food tasted good and I kept eating and ended up eating a bit too much?

3.  Is it wrong that sometimes I get sick and tired of tracking my food and just want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum about it?  That I just want to eat and enjoy my food without thinking about it all the time?

4.  Is it wrong that I feel completely and totally jealous of Mr. Helen who seemingly eats and drinks any and everything he wants and up until this past weekend hadn't done any exercise due to his knee injury/surgery (8 weeks) and hasn't gained any weight?

5. Is it wrong for me to often want to give up on early morning exercise?  To feel that I'm just tired of it all, especially during the dark fall and winter hours and that I'd rather sleep until 5:30?  Even knowing that I absolutely, positively will not exercise regularly in the evenings?

6. Is is wrong for me to keep trying, and trying, and then trying again - different approaches - only to get the same result, which is pretty much nowhere that I want to be?

7. Is it wrong that I don't want to be my mother... 75 years old and still constantly dieting?

8.  Is it wrong that I have (I think) set a deadline for weight loss and that if I don't reach what I think I should, I'm going to give up?  For me to think that 7 years of fighting my thyroid (only to have my body keep settling at the same place) is enough?

9.  Is it wrong for me to just want to be and do and not think about any of this anymore?  To be envious of people who seem to be able to do just that?

10. I do believe I've come full circle here.

19 comments:

  1. OMGOODNESS NUMBER ONE.
    Im "finesmart"
    Im married to a man who is MINDBLOWINGLY smart.
    Many days Im very happy to live a life sans-constant painful awareness.

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    1. Or as Shelley said, a surfacey-little world. Love that.

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  2. 1 - Not at all...I rarely self-evaluate, and am quite happy in my surfacy-little world.
    2 - Haha, not at all.
    3 - Not at all - wouldn't it be nice to go back to when you were a kid and just ate, period?
    4 - Shhhh...we don't talk about the men. They're aliens whose weight cannot be explained.
    5 - No, but if you know yourself (and it sounds like you do, Miss non-evening exerciser), you'll keep setting that blasted alarm.
    6 - No, not if you get something out of trying (even if it's mostly mental)
    7 - No, and I agree with you on that one so much - I don't want to DIET to the end of my days.
    8 - No. I threw in the towel on dieting and it was extremely liberating to eat whatever I wanted without guilt.
    9 - See number 8.
    10 - Gah, introspection!!!

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    1. #3. You hit the nail on the head. My worst worry about food as a kid was if my mom made something I didn't really like. Sigh.

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  3. Totally get it. I lost 110 pounds by counting calories and I've kept it off for over 5 years now. I definitely get tired of tracking and counting! That means it's time for a break. I will sometimes take a day off here and there and it's the mental reset I often need.

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    1. I know people who continue to track throughout maintenance and have great admiration for that, but it wears me out thinking about it.

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  4. There are so many 'rights' to this list! You are a wise woman Helen! And yup, self evaluation really can be exhausting!

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    1. I know a wise woman who told me "Everything is going to be all right. Maybe not today but eventually." I hold on to that every single day.

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  5. I love this post Helen. I get it. I'm around the place I was before I went to the DR in June - between 202 and 207. Good days, then shitty days...about food. But other than that, my life is really good. Best it has ever been in some ways. Is it wrong that I'm fairly okay with all this now? Hugs to you!

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    1. No, it's not wrong! And I'm happy you're feelign that way and realizing that life is pretty good.

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  6. Number 2? You were talking about me, right?

    Does it not seem like we full circle multiple times in life?

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    1. Yes it does and this post was mostly a brain dump for me because I was tired of thinking in circles!!

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  7. I could have written this post myself. I have the same feelings/thoughts about this as you do. Especially the fact that I overeat because I love food, not because I have emotional problems. I do think however I don't lose weight at the moment due to my IBS problems (yes it's back) and I finally made an appointment with my doctor to talk about it.

    You're not wrong, you're right. Watching weight, food and exercise all the time can be really exhausting.

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    1. I hope you get that resolved Fran!

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  8. I could have written this post....almost word for word (except I'd have to change Mr. Helen to Mr. MaryFran!)

    It's not wrong...it's natural. I sometimes mourn the lost innocence in my eating. That's what I miss most...the innocence!

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    1. Oooooh I love this: "lost innocence in my eating." I think that goes to what Shelley said about eating like a kid. Perfect description.

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  9. Gah, of course Mr. Helen didn't gain any weight while not working out while he recovered - figures!

    I agree, I wish I was at the point where I didn't have to put so much energy into this weight loss thing, but I am loving working out in the morning - it kind of sets the whole tone for the day, and I find myself not nibbling or thinking of snacking because I don't want to eat all the calories I've just burned off. Hugs!

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    1. Yeah Biz - no weight gain but even he admitted to me last night that he's gotten out of shape, so there's that lol!

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  10. We're right there with you! I think for people who are constantly in that mode of thinking is better than completely giving up and being 500 pounds! So there's that!

    And - btw - I think you look great just the way you are :0)

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