Thursday, March 20, 2014
I'm Never Going to be the Runner I Want to Be
Wednesday morning at 5 a.m. I headed out in stupid cold, cold (24 with a windchill of 17) weather for a 5K run. As I walked down my hill, a car was also coming down and stopped just at it got next to me. Of course that made me turn my head and look and there was a gentleman who said, "Man, I've got to give you credit. I see you out here just about every morning. Right now I'd rather be in bed than going to work, much less out here to exercise." I laughed and told him I'd rather be in bed too and then we wished each other a nice day as he drove and I ran off.
(When I got home I told Mr. Helen, for a change, it was nice to be complimented instead of insulted out of a car window.)
I thought about that a lot during my run because it was cold and windy and I realized my legs from the top of the thigh to the knee would probably be numb by the end of this run, and my left hip joint that started bothering me this week was aching, not to mention my calves were super sore from the step aerobics I'd done on Tuesday. I thought about it because my pace is too slow to really be called running right now but I can't figure out why I'm not able to go faster. I thought about it as I trudged along with the excess weight I can't seem to shake no matter what I do.
And I realized I'll never be the runner I want to be - that runner I picture in my head who runs 10 minute miles on a BAD day. I really never have been that runner except for one glorious year where I set a bunch a PRs and managed to run a 29:29 5K. It's sort of been all downhill from there.
BUT I also realized that when people see me running along every morning, they're not thinking about how terrible I look, or how slow I look, or even what size I am. For the most part, like the man who stopped his car, they just see someone who is out there running morning after morning, even when it's really cold. Someone who is trying.
I need to hold on to that, especially over the next few weeks. I need to see that I'm not a complete and total failure but rather someone who has determination and doesn't give up - even when it has been a really, really cold and snowy winter. Even when weight loss doesn't come easy - or yo-yo's up and down, not happening at all. Even when age is causing all sorts of aches and pains.
I may never be the runner I want to be, but until I can't any more, I WILL be a runner.
My steaming glove at the end of that run