Thursday, October 2, 2014

Fuzzy

September is the cruelest month for me.  It almost feels like a big let down after a big event (summer).  The darkness comes on so quickly and I don't get to see my beautiful sunrises as I run in the morning.  The weather is schizophrenic fluctuating from 50 to 80 degrees at any given time which makes my closet look like an explosion has gone off as I have to keep out summery stuff but dig into the fall/winter stuff too.

I have an acquaintance who absolutely hates autumn because all she sees is death.  Even the beautiful colors of the leaves changing before they fall off the trees does not sway her opinion.  While I don't feel quite that strongly about it, I recently realized that each year around this time I feel a sort of melancholy.  Of course it also doesn't help when we have a string of grey, grey days (no sunshine) like we've had this week.

Add all of that into starting a new part time job, dealing with Little Helen's upcoming wedding, and some flux going on at my full time job and I feel like my focus has suddenly gotten fuzzy.  It's like when I take my contacts out or glasses off at the end of the day - I can still see some things and shapes but nothing is clear.

Fuzziness around my health and well-being is not good for me.  That's a state where I find it too easy to veer away from good choices and that can be a slippery slope.  Planning to "sleep in" and not get up at 4 am to exercise after working 3 straight 16 hour days is probably a wise choice.  But getting to bed at a decent hour and then hitting the snooze over and over until it's too late to exercise is not.  I say that because, for me personally, exercise is not generally an issue in my healthiness quest - it's food that generally gets me.  Not wanting to exercise is a definite red flag.

Over the last week I have been craving carbohydrate heavy items.  One day it took nearly all my willpower to not make a huge pot of spaghetti, put butter, salt and Parmesan on it and inhale it.  At least I was able to reason with myself on that front.  But the very fact that I am craving carbs like that tells me that the September melancholy has gotten in deeper than I'd realized.

I'm actually proud that I've recognized this before it has gotten too far.  I guess I need to find my glasses and refocus.


17 comments:

  1. I've been fuzzy for the last month too. Not working out because of my knee makes me not care what I put in my mouth. Usually if I work out, I am not tempted because I don't want to negate the workout by eating shit. Time to put my glasses on too! Hugs!

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    1. You've had a lot going on, especially with Tony. I hope you are able to get your focus back!

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  2. As always, great post! I love the poster at the end - "Find out who you are and do it on purpose" - I may borrow it for my status...

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  3. I think you have a lot going on but nothing settled, for lack of a better word. Which makes things a little difficult when you're generally a scheduled, planner-type of person.

    I get the same kind of exercise guilt - if it's a planned day off, fine. But if I put it off and put it off (oh that snooze button), well, yeah. Then I know something's up.

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    1. I think you've hit the nail on the head Shelley, I need some settling lol! And did you EVER in your wildest dreams 100 pounds ago think that the day would come when you would worry if you didn't get your exercise?

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    2. Haha, never! Exercise was for losers...oh, wait. ;)

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  4. Do you think there is any truth in the theory of Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.)?

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    1. I know it's real as I deal with it every single year. This year it seems to be hitting me earlier than normal but I think it's because of my life uproar lately, combined with a bunch of grey days.

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  5. It's funny, I love September so much. I just love fall, even though the wretched winter comes too soon after. John and I call fall our time of year. It's when we met and when we got married.

    Have you thought about getting one of those vitamin D light machines? That might help with the SAD.

    I hear you on the unfocused stuff. With the whirlwind of our lives now (Soap Opera name??) - I don't even know where to turn sometimes.

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    1. I know you understand a whirlwind as you've had your own for months. I understand why you'd love fall - and I'm sure having your anniversary during September has a lot to do with that. Good memories! I think September is just too abrupt for me. Usually by mid-October I've settled down about the darkness. I probably should get one of those lights.

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  6. You have so much going on in your life....no wonder there is fuzziness in your world. Be kind to yourself Helen. Hug!

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    1. Thank you Roz. Nothing as sorrowful as what you've been dealing with but yes, a lot going on right now. I'm sure I'll be fine soon!

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  7. I always feel that fall melancholy too, even though I love the colors and the crispness of the air.

    Here's hoping your whirwind stops swirling quite so much really soon!

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  8. I'm with Roz: be kind to yourself. It's okay to not exercise after 3 16 hour work days, that leaves you with 8 hours where you have to sleep and do your things at home.

    I actually love September/October but that's because I'm not really a Summer person like you but more an Autumn/Spring person. The only thing I don't like is running in the dark either.

    Take care sweety, make it a relaxing weekend, run if you want to, don't if you don't want to. Take time for yourself.

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  9. I understand what you're saying about fall. While I love parts of it, it also heralds the season of darkness...winter...which I don't like at all. And I deal with SAD too. This year, our summer was so short because of our extended winter that I feel as though it's been a dark, cool year. I must find something else to focus on and help me keep busy this winter. Helen, listen to your body and be kind to yourself. I think you know when to push and when not to. Take care of yourself.

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  10. I love fall for the crispness and he beauty, but I can't tell you how many times I have people say they hate it because of what it 'brings' Hmmm

    Kudos to you for identifying your natural inclination and stopping the slide!!!!

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